The Divergent Flower
by cheslandie
Summary: A seemingly delicate flower from Candor transfers and needs to make it in Dauntless to help her deal with her past, but when her past catches up to her, and a new future for her is threatened, will the thorns she bares hurt herself or others? Can she use that inner strength to melt the ice of a Dauntless leader, can he save her as well? Eric x OC
1. Information - 031119 Updated

Updated!

03/11/19

The re-write is going slow as all get out - buuuuuuut, I happen to have a handful of chapters done, and as suggested by some readers, I will be posting those. I do apologize that it is taking so long, I currently work full time, take care of a handicapped spouse and am going back to college. In between all of that is when I find time to write and edit previously written chapters.

I will still be posting the original up on my website by the end of this week, there are no edits or corrections, it will be posted as-is. I am still looking for any beta readers, so let me know via message if interested.

Alright - enough rant, please enjoy the re-write, and take note of the disclaimer at the bottom of this message!

***Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to the original story characters, nor the plot of the story (books nor films). I only own my original character and the edits made to help bring them into the natural story arch. I also own NO music that is depicted within my story, all belongs to the original artist, please feel free to listen to the songs that I use on youtube, and I hope you all find something new that you might like, if it isn't music you've listened to before. ALSO - there will be crude language, sexual themes, sexual content and possible trigger situations. ALL have been clearly marked so that you may read around it, as well as the bottom of those specific chapters that may have triggering text, I have place numbers for help, should you find yourself, a friend or a loved one in a similar type situation - or just would like to have the numbers on call.


	2. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own the rights to Divergent, its original story/content or characters. I will be using most of the original story in the movies, while incorporating a few from the books as well as adjusting the story arch to better fit my needs for my original character, the only one I do have the rights to, Kara. Thank you, also please enjoy this new re-write and feel free to give me a review regarding the changes. Some things will remain the same however, but I do hope any new changes will be liked and not hated by the readers of the original version, if so, I am sorry and I will be saving the original content in case many of you prefer that, I can post them in the forums on my website, for those interested: casescapesdesigns dot wixsite dot com/ashecreations.

It was the day of the choosing ceremony, and I didn't feel nervous at all. The only thing I was feeling, was my mother's tension as she squeezed my hand, it was easier to focus on than what lie ahead. I wasn't sure why she had so much tension, there was no way she could know the decision I had made. She had asked me several times about my aptitude test, but luckily for us, I could still tell the truth by saying I couldn't tell her anything about it. She never thought twice about me reciting the rules of secrecy to her, I was born in Candor, and that is where she assumes I will stay...I was afraid to break her heart.

I've only ever kept two secrets in my life, the one that will ultimately break my mothers heart, and the other that lead up to it. I had been secretly training with a dauntless member whenever I wasn't in class or doing any of my Candor duties. I would sneak out whenever I could to meet up with him. Uriah is pretty popular so I'm not sure how he managed to get away all the time especially from Dauntless headquarters, but he did, for me. We met by accident one day, I was out wandering in some of the empty buildings, hiding something I found, when on patrol he found me. I told him part of the truth that day, that I knew I didn't belong in Candor, and that I wanted to make the switch to Dauntless. He asked me if I was sure, and if I would be ready for the daunting tasks...I answered truthfully, "I'm not sure...but I can't let my doubts and fears control me, that wouldn't be very dauntless would it?"

From then on, when out on patrol, he offered to help teach me and I agreed happily. It was hard and I put a lot of work into it, my body had changed dramatically. I was always a little chubby when I was younger, but as I grew into my teens, most of the fat moved in more feminine places as I got taller, I still could have used some work though. The workouts and strict diet he put me on helped and I was happier because I was now building muscle, and would be able to pack a mean punch. A few weeks ago, I told him the same thing I told my mother about the aptitude test, but that I was still head strong of wanting to be Dauntless for personal reasons. He told me without a doubt he knew I was ready, so this ceremony was going to be the worst part, at least I hoped it would...

My mothers tight grip on my hand shook me from my memories of training as we neared the great hall of the ceremony. I looked around and could see the other factions piling in according to "importance"; Erudite, Candor, Amity, Abnegation and Dauntless crawling in through windows, jumping over rails all around us. My mother used to speak ill of them when I was little, I'm sure she wasn't aware that her mouth may have said one thing, but her eyes held this light in them...it was the time of her life being Dauntless, she only left because she was pregnant with me and wanted an easier life for us...which also meant leaving my dad there alone. I was never able to see him growing up since the factions usually stayed to themselves, although he could have met with us...they both just never made a plan to. In fact I only ever saw him one time, it was a picture of him in a news article that my mother cried over when I was five; his obituary. Out on Dauntless patrol outside the wall there was an incident and he was later found dead, crows picking at his body for a few days.

Now we were seated and the ceremony had begun, the nerves I had yet to have were kicking into high gear, I greedily squeezed my mothers hand back, and had to work on my steadying my breathing. This was a trick Uriah had taught me, to clear my head and focus since I had a bit of anxiety about me. Deep inhale through my nose, hold it, slow exhale through my lips. I could do this a few times during my flux of emotions and calm down within a few seconds, it also worked on honing in on a target when I was training with him. Erudite leader Jeanine lead the ceremony, then allowed the other faction leaders to talk and give a small speech on why their faction is the best and you should choose them, same generic stuff they feed us everyday so we choose later to stay in our factions, to which most people did. My mother got excited and sat up a little straighter when Jack Kang, Candor leader, spoke out...I think she was hoping his words that have been burned into me since I was able to understand, would be the truth I needed in order to stay, and honestly, his words sounded like home, like my childhood, like my mother waking me up sweetly...they sounded like what I should want, but I would be lying if I didn't admit that a little part of me has a doubt and a longing to go where my parents hailed. To see and live like they did, to find myself, not in truth but in strength. Unfortunately that would be the feeling that would win today, and sway me to a different faction, and away from everything and everyone I had ever known.

I did know it was going to be dangerous for me, because even though I never told anyone what my test results were, Tori, the handler of my test assured me I should forget I took the test altogether. She was really upset with me afterwards and told me to get out, that there was an issue with my results and to just tell everyone the serum made me sick, I had demanded she tell me anyway, they were my results after all. I had a right to know what I should be, know if I was making the right decision. She said she would tell me what it was just one time, she would never repeat it or talk to me about it again, and that if I wanted to live a full life, I would never share it with another; ever. I agreed to her silly request and let her say it, divergent, like it was a disease, and she explained, in a way, it was looked at as one. Tori only half ass explained what it meant, and that if anyone found out, I could be killed over it, to look through a history book...apparently people like me caused the war that turned us into what we are today. I did end up going to the Erudite library and found a book on it, it was a small chapter, and the book looked like it was never opened before...it was what I stole and hid out in the empty buildings, where Uriah and I had trained.

"Carolina Francesca." My name was called and the pit in my stomach dropped, I stood and gave my mothers hand one last squeeze, placing a note in her palm, before letting go and heading down to the stage. I quickly grabbed the small knife and sliced my hand, without hesitation I held it over burning coals and let drop, hearing the sizzle as I walked away, avoiding looking at my mother and making my way over to Dauntless seating. They all cheered behind me, and I smiled, I knew I made the right choice and if i looked at her now, I would regret it instantly...and I didn't want that. More people transferred, or stayed put, I noted one family lost both their children, the son to Erudite and their daughter to Dauntless, sitting next to me...but Candor had lost the most to Dauntless, it was a sea of black and white around me, Beatrice Prior was the main standout, her shabby grey clothes and dull features clashed even with the rest of us transfers. The lot of Candor's I had saw, I knew by name, but not personally, I was always one to keep to myself, I only ever had one friend for my entire childhood...and our friendship ended assaultingly.

As we were dismissed, I chanced a look at my mother, she didn't look at me as she got up, she kept a proud face on, with her hands clasped at her chest, clinging to my note..."I am going to miss you so much, but I promise I will make you proud. Please do not think the worst of me, I just need to find out who I am, what I am capable of... I love you always, and we will be together again." I was hoping I could keep my word, it is what I want of myself, but I never wanted to hurt her, and I don't want to end up factionless because of my decision. Jack Kang and the few others on his personal council, including my mother, always thought I would take over his position one day. I was a stickler for the rules, and was always honest without the serum forcing me, I even had leadership over the younger learning groups for their young adult prep...I was pretty much already training for that position, but truth be told, I never wanted it.

Us transfers fell in line behind dauntless born on our exit from the building, we had no choice but to keep up with them, it was the only way to the dauntless headquarters which no one really knew where it was or how to get into it. I kept looking behind me, noticing the Prior girl was having issues keeping up because of her long potato sack of an outfit, her legs could not open enough to allow her to keep up. I decided to slow down enough to drop down behind her and rip at her measly made skirt, tearing it halfway up, allowing her more movement. I nodded at her as I ran past her, picking my pace back up, feeling good that I was able to help her out. We soon came up on tall iron feet near a building, those legs held the train tracks up in the air. I quickly went to climbing, reaching the top in seconds, Uriah wasn't kidding when he said I would need to learn to climb buildings and jump the train if I wanted to make it even a little bit in dauntless. I watched as the train pulled into view, rounding a corner and coming straight for us, I took off running down the track, behind a few dauntless born, listening to everyone behind me catch on and follow us. As soon as it passed me, I picked up pace, hopping onto the front of the last car, my back slamming onto the ground after hauling my body up and hurling myself in the doorway to ensure I made it inside.

I got up quickly so I would not be stepped on by any others, glad I did because Beatrice was right behind me, we both leaned out to see who was left, I saw black and white, I remembered her face from Candor but couldn't remember her name exactly. She was close enough to wrap her hands around the outside handles, but we pulled away from where her feet could touch the side tracks and she was hanging on, unable to pull herself up, as Candor she never had need of muscles like she did now and there was also no ground beneath her to help her push off of. Beatrice being closer threw her hand out and offered it to her, the Candor took it and was pulled inside, behind them though, I watched another girl run right off the track, I don't think she paid attention to where it ended. It is sad because I am not sure who would find her body, whether she survived or not, she would end up laying there until she suffered, she became factionless the second she missed this train...I felt sadness for her, and for the family she just left that would never know. The two boys behind her were smart enough to pay attention to her mistake, so unlike her, they were unharmed, but similar to her they were now factionless and would have no home to go back to. I felt less sadness for them, but heartbreak for their family still, factionless wasn't all bad, I had seen some of them, they still looked healthy, they found places to live, and rumor had it that Amity made sure Abnegation had extra food to be able to feed them...by the looks of it, the rumor might be true, but that was never a concern for me.

All three of us sat against the back wall, "thank you, I don't know how much longer my arms would have held on if you didn't pull me up when you did, I'm Christina by the way." "No problem, she helped me, so I thought I would pay it forward so to speak, I'm Beatrice...what about you?" "Carolina and don't mention it, I didn't think it was fair for you to have to struggle in your old factions clothing decisions, I mean even Amity have the option to wear pants...plus you got to help Christina, if you wouldn't have made it, she might not have...so win win." We sat there for a few minutes catching our breath before we realized others who were sitting began to stand, so we followed suit. "What's going on?" An Erudite boy had the nerve to ask one of the dauntless born with us, "time to jump off." "What happens if we can't?" A dauntless boy turned around and replied to him, straight faced, "either jump and risk the physical consequences...or don't and finish the ride out to factionless..." The Erudite boy gulped, and I watched his expression of question fall to fear. I turned to the girls, "put all your weight in your calves and push off hard, once you gap it, tuck and roll, you should make it and not get too hurt when you land." They looked at me confused but nodded, hopefully they took my advice, Uriah made me practice this over and over, although we did it near factionless, the jump was only one story up but he made me run and jump over to the next building and catch back up with the train to jump back on it...so this seemed easier to me, even that would probably have the other transfers shaking.

I jumped first, rolled and hopped back up in time to see the others fall suit. The girls tried their best to do what I said and both made it with ease, laughing and helping each other up. Two Dauntless born were nice enough to lean over and help one of the others that had made it far enough to grab on to the side of the building and dangle there, lucky for him. I walked over to the edge to see if we lost anyone, we did, and again, I was sad for them and their family, although Dauntless would find and bury her body later...at least I hoped they would considering how close to the building she was, and the fact that I couldn't see other bodies or skeletons from possible previous deaths. Beatrice had tore some of her dress and handed it to the boy who barely made it, so he could clean up his busted lip, having smacked it on the wall as he hung there. We all started to make our way to the small crowd that formed in front of us, a guy in all black with tattoos and piercings stood up on a ledge, a strong gaze taking all of us in...

A/N: Thank you so much for everyone who has been with me since the beginning and the first edition of this story. I hope I didn't veer too much from what the original was and that I only made it better. Please leave me a review of what you think! Also if you preferred the original I will be uploading it to my personal website, mentioned at the top, but will be deleting all the chapters on here and uploading what I managed to re-write on my few off days. I have only been able to re-write so much, and will try to be finished in the next several weeks or so with everything, but bear with me and please continue to enjoy this story, perhaps even more now with its edits and updated writing style!


	3. Chapter 2

"Alright initiates, listen up, my name is Eric and I will be one of the Dauntless leaders that will be in charge of your initiate training. If you are ready to enter Dauntless and start on working your way to becoming a permanent member, this behind me is the way in. If you don't have the guts to jump, then you do not belong in Dauntless and there is a ladder over there that will take you down and someone will escort you to factionless." The very curious Erudite boy next to us opened his mouth, again. "Is there water at the bottom or something?" Eric smirked, almost threateningly, "I guess you'll find out...or not. Well someone has to go first, so who is it going to be?" I started my trek up there, but Beatrice spoke up first, "I will go." Everyone looked on in slight shock, even myself, I didn't think she would have it in her to be first, maybe not last, but definitely not first jumper. She made her way past me and climbed up on the ledge next to Eric, removing her sweater and tossing it behind her on the ground. "Yeah stiff take it off...put it back on..." My eyes wandered off to the jerk only to see a face I had hoped I would never see again...it just so happened his eyes turned to meet mine, a dangerous smile playing on his lips and a glint in his eyes that made my anxiety flare up; Peter. "Today initiate," brought me back from my nervous stare, I forced my focus on her jump and picking up where I left off by moving forward in the crowd so I could jump next.

I already began to climb the ledge before he could call for another jumper, "wow, another transfer so eager to please, well go ahead initiate." I locked eyes with him, I wasn't afraid of heights, but the Peter thing still had me a bit frazzled, it was easy to focus on something different and give it my full attention. I suppose I had a weird look on my face because of it, because he lost his cocky smirk, I wasn't sure what this new emotion of his was, but I held his eyes as I stepped off the ledge and allowed myself to fall into darkness, landing harshly on a spring net several stories down. Someone pulled the weight of it down on one edge, forcing me to roll off of it and land on the ground. Beatrice held her out to me, so I could steady myself on her, I turned to look at who pulled me off, it was another young leader, although he looked almost opposite of Eric, who one could confuse with a stone statue. "Glad that you made it initiate, what should we call you?" I looked over to her a little quizzically, "apparently we get to pick new names, new you and all that, I chose Tris..." I turned back to him, "you only get to change it this one time...so choose wisely." "Kara." I went and stood over by Tris, watching as the others jumped, one by one, some screaming, others laughing, but everyone seemed to have jumped, which was a really good sign.

"My name is Four and this is Jessica, transfers will be following me and Dauntless born with follow her and train with her, while remaining in your current quarters. When you pass initiation everyone will be placed according to final score, into a job. Now follow me transfers to your new housing while in training." We followed through a few corridors and into a large room full of beds. "Here is where you will all be living, so get comfortable with each other, because you will be seeing a lot of each other. Your bathrooms, showers and beds are all together here and in the open. Dauntless believe in the strength and unity of the family we have here, so you can learn to love the faces around you and think as one, limiting the time you are spent apart, ensures this and will prepare you for many team assignments once placed in your job. Over there are lockers, you may keep your few things in there, on the table next to them we have provided you with basic Dauntless clothing and boots, grab your size and change quickly. Once you're ready we can continue, and don't worry, once you get a job you will be earning money and be able to purchase other things you need, although we do allow you a small initiate allowance for you to purchase some hygiene items and small spending coin."

We formed a line and grabbed the clothing sizes we needed, I grabbed mine, but took opportunity to grab an over sized hoodie as well. I joined the others where they had grouped around a few bunk beds pulled in a small square. An Erudite boy claimed one of the top bunks, Chris taking the one under him, Tris threw her stuff on the one across from her and I tossed mine up on the bunk above hers. Two guys and a girl walked over to join us, it looked like the one guy and girl were a couple, they took the third set of bunks, while the tall and slightly wide last guy took the last empty bunk around us. Everyone decided to introduce themselves, "I'm Will, originally from Erudite." "Chris and that is Kara, we're from Candor, and this is Tris, Abnegation." "This is my girlfriend Myra and I'm Edward, we are also from Erudite." The larger boy had already started to change, "My name is Albert, but you guys can call me Al, also from Candor." The guys decided to be gentlemen and form a small circle around us girls so we could have some sort of privacy to change, even making mention they would do the same outside the shower curtain so we could feel safer, while us girls decided to help each other with the toilet situation. Four did tell us to all get along, this would be our family now and it seemed we were making good on that.

"Well, well, well, isn't this just adorable, brains, stiffs and impartial's making plans and acting like being here will be long term for them, so sad." Peter and two others had approached us, "oh sorry, allow me to introduce ourselves, since you decided your group was too good to include us. I'm Peter, your worst nightmare and will make sure I see more than a few of you packing and crying your way to factionless before long. This here is Molly and my good buddy Drew." I knew all of them from Candor, not Drew or Molly personally, but I had seen them around a lot, and they were a nuisance there...they never belonged in that faction...neither did Peter. Luckily before things had escalated Four had come back in to retrieve us, we followed him out, stopping only for a moment where he pointed, for us to toss in our old factions clothes into an incinerator, and then continued on to what he called 'the pit'. It was warm down there, but I made sure to keep the sleeves of my hoodie down. I wasn't really trying to hide my body, granted I wasn't stick thin like the other girls, but I had become proud of the shape I had worked my body into. No, I was hiding something else, something I wanted no one to see.

Back on my looks for a moment, I also didn't entirely look like the others either, sure Chris looked a bit mixed but we weren't mixed the same. My mother was Portuguese, she still spoke the language with a few others in town, but normally stuck with English, my father however was Native American, I remembered his long braided hair from his obit picture. I had a beautiful mix of their skin colors, medium-light mocha, my hair long but you couldn't really tell because it was so heavily curly and a bit wild, a mind of its own really. I got my mothers hips and curves, but she said I had my fathers defiance, and his gift of song. I was always singing alone in my room, it was a favorite past time of mine, but only in private, it gave me too much anxiety to preform publicly. The main thing that stood out about me, was that unlike my parents, I had bright blue eyes, they starked out against my skin color, and was usually the reason for me being the center of attention.

(For a good idea on where my inspiration of Kara's looks came from, you can google: Liryc Suicide (spelled just like that) an alternative model, just not the tattoos, and add blue eyes. I also have a little banner photo of her and Eric on my website!)

The Pit was loud and full of rough housing, laughter and shouting. I followed Tris and the others over to a table that seemed empty for us initiates, we sat and started to dig in to the food set out for us. I watched humorously as Chris tried to show Tris how to eat a hamburger, apparently she never had one with the bun and sauces. It was a funny sight alright, but was short ended as a Dauntless leader stood on a balcony above, quieting everyone down, "initiates stand up," we all did so without question, "you have now chosen to join the warrior faction tasked with the defense of this city and all its inhabitants. We believe in ordinary acts of bravery and the courage that raises one person to stand up for another. That is the Dauntless way and we expect you to do us proud." The other Dauntless members all began to clap for us and cheer loudly, not caring who we were before this, just happy we joined and are increasing their ranks. They hoisted us up on their shoulders and carried us around, hollering and cheering before finally setting us back down so we could finish our meals.

After dinner we grouped together to do some window shopping around the top of the pit, we had to climb rickety ladders and steep crooked steps to get anywhere in this place; it was like a death trap waiting to take all of us. There were clothing shops, tattoo shop, combat gear, weapons surplus and specialty items. The boys broke off and went to the combat gear shop while us girls went to the clothing store to buy some personal items and another outfit, then went to the specialty store for some hygienic supplies and met up with the guys afterwards. We decided that was enough for the night and to go and get some sleep so we got back down into the pit and made our way back to the room we all shared.

We had laid around on our perspective bunks, minus us three top-bunkers, we joined the ones below us so we could huddle and get to know each other a bit. We learned Edward and Myra had been together for three years and where she wanted them to go to Amity, he really thought they could make a difference here in Dauntless, he was way more adventurous than her, but not wanting to split from the love of her life, she agreed and followed him here. Al was always picked on for his size, being in Candor seems like a great idea until those around you are honest, too much that it hurts others. We learn to tell the truth and the truth only, but some people, like Chris, over time become a little harsh about it, and choose to say whatever comes to mind first. It is not a lie to choose not to say something, but Candor would tell you differently, so I understood how he felt, when I was little people didn't filter themselves about my size as a child either. He thought he could come here, tone up and use his size and power to become stronger and make a difference, but he seemed really soft from my standpoint. Tris said she had no idea that her brother was leaving to Erudite, and was more worried about him fitting in than herself making it here; Edward tried to reassure her that it's pretty easy to be in that faction, it's all about study and bettering your mind.

Chris told a little bit about herself, which mostly went for me as well, Candor wasn't necessarily a difficult faction to be in, just need tough skin. "Although," she said, "I don't remember seeing you around at all." I looked up to find them all looking at me. "Oh, well my mother is on the Candor council, so I went to a lot of meetings with her. When I wasn't I was teaching initiates or going through truth training with the youth. I was being groomed to take my mothers spot once the transfer ceremony was over, and eventually take over for Jack Kang one day; he hand selected me." "So were you just under too much pressure or something? What made you change factions?" I didn't want to lie to them, it felt wrong to do that to friends, so I decided to tell them why. "My mother and father were both Dauntless, she chose Candor after finding out she was pregnant with me. My father chose to stay here, she just wanted me raised in a less violent environment." "So is your dad here? Are you going to be able to meet up with him?" I shook my head looking down, "no, I'm not sure if any of you remember years ago, they found a body of a Dauntless soldier over the wall, he had an accident and fell to his death...that was my dad." There were a few gasps and Tris rubbed my shoulder a little. "It's fine, I never met him, and wouldn't have been able to with the way Dauntless keep to themselves, faction before blood and all...so it only hurt to see my mother so upset. I guess maybe this is my way of finding out more about him, maybe someone here remembers him and could tell me what he was like...maybe I am more like him and I can thrive here...never know until you try right?"

"Alright initiates, lights out, we have an early start and long day ahead of you tomorrow..." Four had come in and given us the goodnight bell, he shut the lights out as he left. I leaned down to whisper to Tris before climbing up in my bunk, "hey, sometimes I get bad anxiety, if I have an episode would it be OK if I crawled in next to you?" She took a second, trying to understand what I was talking about, "sure, should I do something...?" I shook my head, "no, just feeling someone near me is good enough, plus you remind me of my mother, kind and a big heart. It'll be like a calming effect to be next to you." She smiled and rubbed my arm, her warmth spreading to me a bit, before she lay down and I climb up to my bunk, the emotions and exhaustion from the day helping me pass out quickly.

A/N: There we go, I think a much better chapter 2, I feel like these re-writes are coming out a bit longer than their original counter parts, so please let me know how I am doing, and if these are better than the original or you preferred the original. Please continue to enjoy!


	4. Chapter 3

**Super long chapter ahead, please enjoy, leave me a comment/review so I know how you're enjoying!**

Bright lights came on and a vaguely familiar voice rang out, "I want everyone in the pit, two minutes." First day jitters must have been pumping adrenaline through us, because we seemed to all be ready in seconds, although it helps that we only have like two outfits. I went with a long sleeved shirt instead of the hoodie, I would be working up a sweat today and didn't want to pass out. We all skipped down to the pit, excited and a bit nervous for the first day, but at least we were ready. Four stood waiting for us, along with Eric, his arms folded over his chest, we made eye contact for a brief second before he shifted and scanned the crowd. "This is where you will be training for two-thirds of your time here. The first main stage of training will be physical, which will span over two weeks. The first week you will be learning basic workout exercises and combat moves. Week two will be weapon training and one-on-one fighting. Your second stage will be mental, and also span two weeks. This will include a first week of mental prep and simulation understanding, before the first week is up, you all will start going in to the fear modulator and dealing with the sims you encounter. Your last two weeks here will be testing the things you have learned so far and ranking you on them, this ranking will determine in which order you go in for final testing, combat and weapons will be at the end of that first week, simulation will be the end of the second in front of all Dauntless leaders. For these rankings you will then be added into Dauntless born rankings and will need to prove yourselves to outshine them." Four was done, but it seemed like he was going to say something else, until Eric cut him off, pacing in front of our line.

"There will be a little change this year and going forward with other initiations. You will be ranked starting day one, today, by the end of week two, there will be cuts made. There are 20 of you now, the end of the second week I will only be looking for 16 of you to remain. Once you start the next two weeks you will be added to the Dauntless born, to which they will push you about the 30 total threshold, but I will only need 26 of you. By the end of week five, only 16 of you total will remain, make sure you can keep up, Dauntless born will have an advantage over you, from growing up here and having years of pre-prep training." Chris butted in, "wait, we're getting cut?" "Yes, at the end of each stage, when ranking is determined, if you are above that red line on the screen," we looked behind him and saw the order we were in, Tris first then I in second since we jumped first, "then you can pack and you will be escorted out to factionless." This time Will was upset, this was new information, we didn't know you could do this, no other faction was like this and it was obviously something new for Dauntless as well as Four looked confused as hell. "Somebody should have told us about the new rule before the choosing ceremony..." Eric smirked, just as wickedly as the first time I saw it, again his eyes cut over to me, I held his gaze, not wavering. "Why? Would you have chosen differently, out of fear maybe? If that is the case, you might as well save yourself and us the trouble and leave now. You chose us, so now we get to choose you, simple as that."

I instantly got nervous for some of my new friends, sure Al had the size but I don't think he can be brutal enough to really hurt any of us on purpose. Myra would be way worse, I bet Tris could knock her out with one punch...but maybe this is a push to get us all to do our best...would they really be cutting us? I didn't count them all but it looked like a fair amount of Dauntless born, I will really have to step it up to out rank them in the coming weeks. Four dug in a crate and pulled out sparring gear and tossed it to all of us, he paired us off, we stood in front of and facing our partners. "Alright, we are going to start with some punches and elbow throws, once I think you have this down enough you can get the larger pads. One will hold and the other will practice hitting, right now we are just doing the stance and technique learning. Follow my instructions and do as I do." He began punching and elbowing the air, facing each other we did the same while he walked around and helped us. "Good Kara, nice work, Peter keep it up, but a little easier, we aren't trying to hit our partners yet." After about half hour of doing this he allowed half of us to get get a large pad. "So you want to the hold the pad like this, and your partner is going to try those punches and elbow throws into it, start light and when you get the feel for it, put some pressure behind it." We began and I let Tris go first, noting that she never increased how hard she hit, she would need to really work on that if she was going to stay at the top...but after this, I wasn't sure she would. We switched and I started off light enough, then quickly picked up my strength, I ended up hitting her hard enough to knock her down. "Sorry, I'm sorry..." I held out my hand to help her up, she took it and smiled at me, "wow, you're good! I guess I need to hit a little harder?" I smiled and nodded back to her, hoping she would.

After a while he stopped us and showed us some simple kicks and knee tricks, "so we are going to start off using the pads, both of you stand sideways, right to left and the kicker will high kick the pad, so hold it tightly above your chest. After 20 rounds switch places, when you're done, move on the knees, hold your partner on the shoulders and knee 15 low, so pads down on the stomach and groin area, then high, moving the pads to upper stomach and chest region, also 15 and then switch." I let Tris go first, reassuring her, hoping she would try harder this time. "You start, hard as you can, don't worry about hitting me, that is why we have the pads." She nodded, but I wasn't sure it sunk in enough, her first kick was decent, but still weak, however this was training for people who have never done this type of stuff before, nor did they ever need this kind of muscle mass. Although I would say Peter, Molly, Drew and I were picking it up nicely, myself because I've been training and the others because they were ruthless human beings. She got a little better by the end, which showed me she was trying to improve, we then switched and I warned her before starting. "I'm going to kick pretty hard, hold it tight." She nodded, a determined look on her face, but she wasn't at all ready for my kick. As soon as it collided with her she fell back into Chris, who then stumbled forward and almost got kicked in the face by Will whose leg was in mid-air.

She turned and apologized to both of them, Four came over and took her pad from her, "team up with Edward and Myra, switch off with them." Eric came over and stopped him, "no, Four you take that one, I'll take this one." Four looked at me, almost as if to ask my permission but Eric never gave him the chance to out loud, he shoved the pad into Four's chest and pulled me to the side grabbing another one. Once he got his stance to be able to take my kicks, he nodded, "begin." I started kicking, twenty high kicks, he moved it down and made me do twenty low kicks too. He never stumbled nor was knocked back like Tris was, but looking at him, I doubt he would have, he did though sway but only if you were paying attention would you have noticed the barely noticeable move. "Knees," I grabbed fistfuls of his shirt on both shoulders, the others bending to meet the lower height of their partner for the low blow, him being taller than me made it so it was my high knee first, and then I guess a high-er knee next. I pulled on him as hard as I could to bring the weight of my knee up and into his padded groin area. After my rounds he moved the pad up higher, and raised his brow a little, a smirk playing at his lips, knowing this was too high for me to grab him and pull my knee up, little did he know, Uriah was a bit taller than me too.

I backed up a little, I needed to get a little run in to help me, he looked a bit confused, but didn't lower the pad, smart move. I ran towards him, closing the gap quickly, I pushed off with my right foot, using my arms to wrap around his neck, and my left leg slightly bent so that my calf wrapped around his upper thigh/butt area, squeezing tight enough to hold my weight for a short time. I immediately went to kneeing him swiftly with my right knee, as fast as I could to get my fifteen done so I could release my hold, knowing I couldn't maintain that move for more than a minute or so. Luckily my rapid fire kneeing worked and I was able to drop off, landing on my feet but stumbled a bit, he reached out and caught me, helping me steady myself up. Four and a few others who saw everything came over, "wow...where did you learn to do that?" I smiled nervously and feigned innocence, "I'm not sure, it just felt right...so I went with it." Four nodded, "trusting your body and instincts is a good thing, use that, everyone else...you should be on that level by the end of this week, back to your sessions, begin again from the punches and work back to here."

I didn't know if I was still paired with Eric, but he didn't move so I took up my stance and started to punch. I knew I was punching decently because it was the same force I was using on Tris, but Eric didn't look too impressed, he stopped me. "What is that?" I shrugged, "my punches?" He sighed, looking slightly irritated, "after your knee stunt, if that is your punch, then you're the one trick pony I think you are." For some reason that pissed me off, I punched him a little harder, "that's it?" harder, "really? It feels like a cloud punching another cloud." I hit him even harder, then harder, getting more and more pissed off at him. "At this rate, I could do anything I wanted, you're too weak..." This time I punched without care, throwing my entire weight and emotions into it, it collided, extremely hard...with his face... Four immediately dropped his pads and ran over, assuming he was going to have to save me from a murderous leader, however, Eric smiled and rubbed his chin, "ok, maybe I under estimated you...not bad initiate, I think that is enough." He tossed the pad at me and walked out, I looked around, a little worried that I may face retaliation in scoring, Four only patted my shoulder and rounded us up as a group. "Alright that was a decent first try, go get some food and meet back here in two hours, we will be working on round two, the same things, same partners, but Tris team up with Edward and Myra, Kara you're with me." I nodded and left with my friends, I was mind wandering, while they gossiped and giggled about my moves to beat up the scariest leader of Dauntless.

In the mess hall my stomach growled, but I was afraid to put much on it, my nerves working against me. I picked at the food on my plate, smiling at the others and nodding but not really joining in on conversation, my mind still all over the place, my eyes following ...to another table where I found eyes watching me; Eric. I wanted to look away and break contact, but I couldn't, after a few minutes he simply got up and walked out. "Hey I'll be right back," I didn't want them to follow me, as I pushed up from the table and ran to catch up with him. "Sir?" He didn't stop or turn around, so I walked faster, rounding corner after corner until I stopped paying attention to where we were, I finally got close enough to reach out, wrapping my fingers around his arm, "Eric!" He stopped, turning around, first looking to my grip on him and then trailing his eyes up to meet mine. "Initiate." "I...I uh just wanted to say I was sorry, for missing the pad and punching you, I know you were just pushing me to my full potential and I messed up." I was hoping an apology might make him go easier on me, if he was deciding to punish me for it later. He turned all the way around, fulling facing me now, "If that was your full potential, then you need a lot of work. Sure the punch was decent, but it took you getting completely mad before you could hit that hard, to be Dauntless, we need that punch the first time every time." I let go of him, my hands behind my back, soldier stance, and nodded. "I understand, and will be working on that, sir." "Then, was there something else you needed?" "No, sir...thank you."

I turned around to leave and only got so far before I realized I had no idea where I was, there were no signs so I ended up just wandering around, hoping to bump into someone else and get help. I ended up finding myself in a beautiful circular room, with colored glass as the flooring and clear glass for the ceiling. It allowed the afternoon sun to pour down and light the room up with the colors from the floor, I could see people wandering about below the colored floor, and even saw one or two familiar people. I hoped there were stairs around here somewhere...but since no one was watching, I took my time to peer up and around, smiling at the beautiful-ness of this room, and how out of place it was to be in Dauntless headquarters. "Initiate." I turned my head, still half smiling in awe of the room and not at all expecting to see Eric there, looking at me, with a look I couldn't define. It didn't last long, he seemed to shake whatever he thought off and replace it with his normal scowl. "Training is about to start, get back to the pit, follow me." I did so without question, keeping my head down the whole way, slightly embarrassed for the childlike moment I was having when he caught me.

He stopped right outside the training room and I continued past him inside, "thank you...", I mumbled before leaving him to join the others and Four as my partner. We sparred like before, but I went double rounds, since I was the only one in training in my pairing, but I was able to use my opposite arm and leg this time. When the others were done he made them start again, able to switch sides, while I did round three going back and forth. I punched with my right then left, and so on, same for my knee and kicks. After an hour or so of that, he let us cool down with some stretches and a group meeting. "Ok, good job today, but we will be stepping it up tomorrow, so get some rest tonight and bring your A-Game. Wednesday will be your rest day, so will the weekend. So two days, rest, two days, two rest and continued. Take that time to come down and watch Dauntless born train, maybe see if any of them will help you, make use of your down time here...wasting it could mean the difference in your rating."

After that day Eric only came in long enough to make sure we were training and then left, he never stayed long for our sessions, but something told me he was still watching somewhere as he would be the one scoring us at the end of the week. Tuesday we had moved on to punching bags so that Four could walk around and see what we needed to work on individually, he spent a lot of time with both Tris and Myra, working on their stances and how to throw their weight. Wednesday I offered to train with Tris and she took me up on it, saying she appreciated any help, she wasn't bad at all, she just needed some work. Thursday we were back to partners, I was paired up with Al this time, since his stature could handle my hits better, and everyone knew I could make decent use of his height if I needed too. We learned more combat moves, and fighting stances and strikes. On Friday we practiced these one-on-one with Four: throat hits, face punches and kicks, swiping legs, knee kicks and more.

"Alright everyone, great job today, I see a lot of you becoming much better with this, again make sure to make use of your off time wisely this weekend. On Monday we start fighting matches, the beginning will be will full sparring gear and by the end of the week, you will be taking actual blows head on. So rest up, new scores will also be up next week, keep this in mind when fighting." Eric came in and decided to land a final blow to us, "Also do not forget at the end of next week, whoever is below that red line, will be cut. After that you will be joining in with the Dauntless born and be ranked together." We were all sweating pretty bad at this point, my training lasted a little longer than the others because I knew most of what we were doing already, the few things I learned, my body was already in shape for. The others took off to shower, I told them I would be up in a bit, so they waved me off and went ahead. I on the other hand decided to add weights to my wrist and ankles and move back over to the punching bags, wanting to be ready for next week. I could live as factionless but it wasn't where I was going without kicking and screaming.

~~~~~~~~~~WARNING: POSSIBLE ASSAULT/SELF HARM TRIGGER AHEAD~~~~~~~~~~~

I got lost in hitting the bag, that I didn't realize how long I had been down there, but my stomach began to growl and I knew it had to be around meal time, it hadn't taken my body long to get used to the eating schedule; my stomach the only thing reminding me to eat. I removed the weights and stretched a little before heading back to the living quarters. It looked like everyone had left to go eat so I was alone, I grabbed some clean clothes and and hopped into the shower, washing off quickly just in case someone came back early. I turned the water off, thinking I heard a noise, I wrapped my towel around me and opened the curtain slowly. "Hello?" No one said anything so I shrugged it off as me being paranoid, which if you really knew me, perhaps I had a reason to be. I was just about to pull my towel off and finish drying off to change, when someone shoved me forward and back into my shower stall. I caught myself and turned around, pissed and ready to swing when I came face to face with my ultimate nightmare, Peter...

"What are you doing?" He advanced on me, and I pushed him away, using my other hand to keep a firm grip on my towel. It was like all my strength was gone, and it wasn't because I had exhausted myself from working out, no, this was true fear, the one person who could turn me into a scared little girl every time I was faced with him. He pushed against me a little bit and my body unfortunately gave way, he pushed my back up against the wall behind me and put his arms on either side of me. "I just wanted to come see how my song bird was doing... I've missed you, and our little time together," he brushed some hair from my face, "I miss having you with me, but you've been pretending not to know me here. So I thought maybe you were embarrassed of me, you know that would hurt my feelings...you don't want that do you, song bird?" He used a hand to gently lift my chin, forcing me to meet his sinister gaze, I shook my head and he smiled. "Good girl. The others just started eating, so we have some time together, why don't you apologize to me, for treating me so awful since we got here...I think you owe me that." I shook my head, I was hoping being nice a moment ago would make this go away faster, but I should have known he wanted more from me...he always did.

I ducked under his arm and tried to make a run for the door, hoping eventually I would run into someone and they could help me, but I didn't make it far enough. He had tackled me to the floor and I struggled to get him off me, he ended up flipping me over and pinning me down. "Now that wasn't very nice, and here I was being nice to you. All you had to do was be good, now look what you've done...what is this?" He rubbed his fingers over raised marks on my arm, glancing up to look. "No...don't, please..." He brought my arm closer to his face, inspecting it better, "Why did you do this?" He didn't wait for my answer, he just started kissing the scars, I started to cry, a loud heave coming out of me. Before I knew what happened, Peter was thrown off of me and someone was yelling. "Get out now!" I heard his feet scramble and the doors open before it was quiet again, I sat up and hugged my knees to my body, using my breathing treatment to calm myself down. My supposed savior kneeled down in front of me, a hand coming towards me, probably to comfort me, but my instincts had me flinch. I looked up to find grey eyes looking at me softly, not the way I was used to seeing them.

"Are you alright?" I nodded and rubbed my face, he stood and offered me a hand, I took it and allowed him to pull me up. "Go get dressed, I'll make sure no one comes in." I nodded and went back to my shower stall, closing the curtain and changing real quick. When I came back out he was still there, waiting on one of the bunks. I walked over and sat across from him, neither of us said anything for the longest time. "Thank you," I managed out, "I guess that is all I can offer, is sorry's and thank you's...but I mean it." He nodded, so I thought we were done and stood to leave and join the others, putting on a normal face so my friends wouldn't know what just happened. "What happened?" I turned around and smiled, forcing an emotion that my eyes denounced, "boys will be boys, right?" I went to leave when he grabbed my arm and I snatched it back, cradling it to my body. "Sorry, I just...I don't like to be touched..." He held out his hand, gentle, like before, "let me see..." I shook my head, "there is nothing to see, may I join the others?" He sighed and nodded, "thank you again, Eric." I left before he could say anything else, scared of what happened, afraid of what Eric might find out further about it, even worse what he could have said about it all...by why am I thinking about his opinion anyway?

The weekend went by quickly, I stuck up my friends asses the whole time, even asking Tris if I could sleep with her, to which she had no problem, she remembered it was from my anxiety. Over the weekend we had worked out a bit together, went shopping, got tattoos and when Tris snuck off for some reason on her own, I made sure to stick to Al, sure he wasn't much for a strong body guard, but I liked not being alone...plus it seemed that Edward and Myra liked some privacy, and Will and Chris were getting a little closer too; I didn't want to be a third wheel. It was Monday though and the combat fighting had begun, we got to use sparring gear today and tomorrow, which was good because some of my friends still weren't ready to handle the real thing. Myra and I were paired up first, I knew it would be easy to win against her but since this was still considered training, I took it easy on her and tried to give her notes as we progressed, eventually she went down and I was the winner of our set.

Tuesday was a better day, I was against Christina first, she was a pretty good opponent, much stronger than Myra. However she still didn't stand a chance against me, our fight lasted over ten minutes before Eric walked around and told me to stop playing with her, so I slugged her one good time and she went down. I shot her a look of apology and she accepted, knowing I was just doing as I was told, and it was just a padded sparring match. Since I won, I was against Will next, he had won because he backed me out of the ring a few punches in and I slipped and fell. The order afterwards Will went against Al, Al went against Drew. Drew then took on Zack who lost, so Drew went against Peter, Peter then took out Molly, Shen, Ariel and Tony before Eric had Tony stay in and start the last half. Tony faced Susan and went after Bret, who finally won a match, but only due to Tony being exhausted. So Max and Lyle were called up next, Lyle won and went against Myra's boyfriend Edward, he kicked Nora's ass but lost against Paolo. He was paired against Peter, who won and then we were paired up as the best against each other. Before we could start though, Eric called us off, "Stop, that was enough for today, get some rest tomorrow, you are going to need it for Thursday. First up will be Molly and Christina, remember this is without safety gear and this is nearing the end of the second week, cuts will be made."

I spent our off day in the training room as usual, focusing on my special moves, more than anything. Tris and the others started with me, but by mid-day they had left to rest and get some food, wanting to not be too exhausted tomorrow. They pleaded with me to join them, and I could have, it wasn't like I was too worried about being cut this week, but you never know. After they left I stretched for awhile and thought about doing some boxing afterwards. I moved over and pulled some tape out, I begun to wrap my hand up, singing to myself a little.

Oh, wo, oh, oh

Oh, wo, oh, oh

Poetry on your body, You got it in every way

And can't you see it's you I'm watching?

I am hot for you in every way

And turn around, let me see you

Wanna free you with my rhythm

I know you can't get enough

When I turn up with my rhythm

Your body's poetry, speak to me

Won't you let me be your rhythm tonight?

I wanna be your muse, use my music

And let me be your rhythm tonight...

(Move Your Body - Sia)

I had finished wrapping my hands and put my gloves on, I was dancing around the sandbag, stopping every once in awhile to punch while I kept singing, I even got a few kicks in, until I heard the training doors open. "I thought there would be more of you down here today?" I stopped and looked over to Eric, my song stopping abruptly, I shook my head regaining myself. "They were earlier, but I decided to stay a little longer..." I wasn't sure why he was here, but he seemed to be everywhere recently. He folded his arms over his chest, "show me what you got then." I looked at him questioningly, "on the bag...?" He nodded, so I did what he asked, I went to kicking, punching, knees and even used it as a prop person getting low and "kicking" my opponents legs out. I then leaned forward, like I was going to do a hand stand, but kicked one of my legs back and up swiftly, making contact with the bag. A few throat punches and fake dodges later, he told me I could stop. I was breathing heavier now, perhaps from the working out, or because I was nervous.

"Not bad, I wouldn't think someone like you would be this advanced at this point, I definitely underestimated you..." I put my hands on my hips, taking in slower breaths now, "what do you mean someone like me, sir?" "Well a girl from Candor, and the other night showed me vulnerability...I wasn't sure if you were weak or strong." I got pissed, how dare he? He has no clue what he is talking about, I pulled the gloves off me and threw them aside, stomping up to him, about to give him a piece of my mind before shoving past him and walking out. "I appreciate the concern, sir, but until you know me...you'd do best to remember, that you don't! I am still thankful for the other night, but you have no fucking idea what you're talking about so maybe leave it." With that I left, not wanting to put any more problems on myself, focusing on initiation, keeping my friends here as well and Peter were enough for anyone's plate.

I was in the room, showered and down in the mess area picking out an early dinner when the others finally caught up to me. "Hey Kara, where have you been?" "Oh I just finished working out and grabbed a shower, ya'll hungry yet?" "Starving!" They joined me and told me about their day, all the fun things they did and stupid stuff they wasted their money on. It made me want to eat quickly enough to go get another tattoo and maybe talk to Tori while I was there, although I doubt that would be easy. She has been avoiding me a lot lately, dodges my questions and refuses to tattoo me so we won't be seen talking to each other. I thought with me in Dauntless it wouldn't be so odd for us to talk...we can make friends can't we? Speaking of friends, I have noticed she brushed Tris off the same way she does me, I've been trying to figure out how I could possibly bring up being Divergent to her, without giving myself away, just in case she isn't and maybe Tori just doesn't like her...

*****Please if you, or anyone you know has been sexually assaulted or has thoughts about suicide - there is help and hope. This goes for every sex, age, race, religion and orientation. No one is exempt from help or care! If you need someone to talk to or just help in general about what is hurting please don't wait to ask!

Sexual Assault Hotline: 800. (4673)

National Suicide Prevention: 800. (8255)

If you don't feel comfortable talking to them, try a family member or a close friend. I am also here for you, just to talk or vent...anything you want! There is always someone to listen!*****


	5. Chapter 4

After dinner I pulled Tris aside, thinking it better now before it was too late, what if one of us got cut and I never got to the bottom of my thoughts. "Hey Tris, want to go somewhere with me for a bit?" She nodded and let the couples, plus Al take off to do their own thing, following me back up to the shops. "So what's up?" I tried to think of a delicate way I could bring this up, "so that tattoo artist, Tori...does she not like you?" She rubbed her shoulders and bit her lip a little, "what do you mean? I don't think I've done anything to her...so I would hope not." I've noticed when she was embarrassed, nervous or lying she bit her lip and rubbed her arms...maybe this was my way in. "Ok, a different questions, do you know what a divergent is?" I decided to just throw it out there, I could make up some excuse if she didn't or did and was one of the few that wants people like me dead. Her eyes happened to get really big though and I knew I hit the nail on the head. "Wait...how do you-?" "You got sick on your test didn't you?" I cut her off, she nodded, and then I knew, we were both divergent. "What are the odds huh?" She agreed, "well that explains a lot, I guess I still mostly show abnegation from force of habit, but you've shown a few factions, I think I was the only one to pick up on them though..." "Let's go see Tori, I was wanting another tattoo anyway."

Well Tori did give me the tattoo I wanted, but it was a bust for her talking to us, the best we got out of her was that maybe we should steer clear of each other. She said having both of us together could draw attention, or if one of us gives away what we are, the other maybe suffer for it or be caught as well. We promised we would be as careful as we could, but since we've always just been ourselves, we're not exactly sure when we're being Divergent. It's not like we could let our other friends know and go 'hey, could you tell us when we're acting too Divergent, we just don't want to die, thanks!'

Tris and I decided to make time on our off days to talk in private about ourselves and try to figure things out on our own. For now, we just joined back up with our friends and hung out for awhile before climbing into bed, I asked to sleep with Tris again, to which she obliged and I also decided since we shared a secret that was life threatening together, I would share with her a private secret of mine. She cried silent tears and we fell asleep with her hugging me, I think, finally telling someone that I wasn't being forced to, took a little weight off my shoulders and made it easier to sleep that night.

The morning had come but I was ready for it, all my practice would be shown off and I was excited to see where I ranked. The first fight though was Molly and Chris, I'd watched both of them during training and private practice. Chris had decent technique but Molly had power with her height and weight, so I was afraid Chris might lose. "Bump gloves, back up, and ... begin!" Four had a timer with him, as we were given a limit to either take our opponent down, push them out the ring or concede. Molly was beating the hell out of Chris, She had gotten in a few good punches but Molly's strength over powered her, she finally gave and fell out of the ring, putting her hand up. "I'm done...done, no more, please." Eric had walked up, avoiding my guess as he scanned the room, he offered his hand to her. "Ok, here," she eyed it carefully, a fearful leader offering peace was something to be wary of, but I had seen a few soft sides of him and wondered if this was one of them too. He lifted her up and pulled her away from the mat, we followed, noting he was heading towards the chasm. "You alright?" She nodded to him, holding her side, just happy to be out of the ring, he turned them both around to face us. "Good," he then grabbed her forearm, and swung her over the bridge, we all gasped and I reached toward them, the glare he gave me forced me to back up. Four was just pushing through the crowd when Eric gave her an ultimatum. "Grab the rail, now." She did so, since he was letting go of her, she hung on, clinging to the bridge, the water making it difficult to keep a tight grip.

"You have three options, let go and die, decide on factionless and I'll pull you up now, or you can hang there for five minutes. This is a lesson, and the education to come from this will be up to you to decide." I glared at him, but he continued to ignore my gaze, the others began chanting behind me for her to hang on, I on the other hand turned my back to waterfall, kneeling down, I laced my fingers in the grate of the bridge and dropped down next to her. I wasn't going to let this be a lesson she learned alone, she should have never needed it in the first place, this was abuse of power and torture. "Chris, we got this, let's count our minutes down in the Dauntless way," I started and she soon followed. "We believe that justice is more important than peace. We believe in freedom from fear, in denying fear the power to influence our decisions. We believe in ordinary acts of bravery, in the courage that drives one person to stand up for another. We believe in acknowledging fear and the extent to which it rules us. We believe in shouting for those who can only whisper, in defending those who cannot defend themselves. We believe that pain and death are better than cowardice and inaction because we believe in action. We do not believe in living comfortable and safe lives. We do not believe that silence is useful or the answer. We do not believe in good manners or being push over's. We do not believe in empty heads, empty mouths or empty hands. We do not believe that learning to master violence encourages unnecessary violence. We do not believe that we should be allowed to stand idly by. We do not believe that any other virtue is more important than bravery, sir!"

I had stared at him the whole time, his eyes also never wavering from mine, he no longer had his normal rude expression on him, but the one that was there I couldn't figure out. "Time - pull them up." I pushed the others to go for Chris, I could help myself, even though my arms were shaking the whole way up. Once I reached the top rough hands yanked me up and pulled me away from the others I didn't have to look to know who it was, he shouted over his shoulder back at the others. "Back to fighting, next match." He continued to drag me away, nothing Four said made Eric change his mind, so he took the others back to the pit. Eric pulled me up and down corridors, I had lost track of where we were, until I saw colors glass up ahead. We didn't go up the stairs, he made us stop at the bottom. "What the hell was that back there?" He spun on me, anger in his voice but something different in his eyes. "You threw her over, she was weakened from a fight. I wasn't and I could barely hang on, Christina is more brave than I am...you reminded me of that the other day. I didn't recite the Dauntless oath for fun, I wanted you to know that in a way I get why you would want to teach her a lesson that way, but I wanted you to know the reason we joined Dauntless was to stop people like you...reasons why you punish are similar reasons to why I would stand up for Chris and whoever else. You said I was vulnerable the other day, but compassion goes along with being a soldier, otherwise why did I sign on to become a protector of this city if I didn't even give a shit?"

A low growl came from him and he stalked up to me, trapping me between himself and the wall behind me. My breath caught in my throat and I had to slow my breathing to not freak out; I didn't liked being touched or this close unless it was my choice. His left forearm lean against the wall above me, his face close to mine, I thought I stopped breathing during that time. "You're not vulnerable...you were right, I don't know what was happening...and as much as I want to be cruel to you like the others, I can't bring myself to...something about you pisses me off but...interest me at the same time." Now I know I stopped breathing, what I thought was going to be either a ruthless tongue-lashing over my behavior or he using his strength to overtake me right now for whatever purpose...both thoughts went out the window. I chanced a look up at him, our eyes meeting, his normal steel eyes, almost looked softened and brighter, furrowed brows and a scowl replaced his usual smirk.

I used my hand to push on his chest gently, confused at the odd feeling building in the pit of my stomach. "Then get to know someone and show interest in them, maybe you'll learn something instead of your usual asshole approach." A small, almost not visible, smile appeared on his lips. "Maybe I will take you up on that, but I'll try if you do..." I looked at him confused, unsure of what he meant. "I want you to fight first tomorrow," I went to nod, having no issue with that, until... "I want you to fight Peter." My stomach sank, and I was sure the color drained from my face, I fell back against the wall behind me. "Look, I don't know what happened between you two, but what I saw in that room, was not the same girl I saw fighting that sandbag, or during training. You need to take back whatever he took, gain that control...if you want help, I can do that for you." Instinctively I rubbed the forearm Peter dared kiss when he attacked me, it had become a nervous habit for me over time. "I won't prod you, I just want you to succeed, but fighting him may get the better of you and could effect your ranking...I don't think for someone with your skills, well it wouldn't be fair...and I can't have you go anywhere right now, while I'm trying to figure everything out."

I nodded, he was right, I could potentially freeze up trying to fight Peter...and that could put me out to factionless. "Come on then." I followed him, this time memorizing where I was going and how to at least get back to the colored dome, from there I knew I could get back down to the mess hall and everywhere else I knew from there. He came up on a door that was locked, to which he had a key. "Where are we?" He unlocked and pushed the door open, allowing me to go in first, "my room, but I also have a lot of work out equipment in here, and there won't be any distractions." I wanted to be nervous, waiting for the feeling of being left alone with him, a feeling I get around Peter to spring up and make me want to bolt...but it wasn't coming, this feeling was excitement and intrigue, and I wasn't scared at all.

A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, it will get longer, promise - review/rate!


	6. Chapter 5

~~~~~~~~~WARNING:POSSIBLE TRIGGERS FOR ASSAULT/SELF HARM~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was a mat in his large open room, which is where he lead me, pointing out sparring gear to the side. "I thought you were going to teach me how not to freeze up?" He nodded, "yes, but you'll be hitting me in the process...I don't need bruises everywhere." I laughed a little and started to gear up. He walked over with a black cloth and held it out, "turn around." I shook my head and backed up a little, he put a hand up in defense. "Don't worry, I am just going to blindfold you, I want you to learn to fight with all of your senses. Right now you use your eyes, which are great, but seeing Peter could potentially make you vulnerable. I want you to learn to hit him without that." I understood, and allowed him to blind me, wearily, but I was willing to listen and my gut seemed to trust him, so we continued. His voice moved around as he talked, and I spun to try and keep up, thinking he was in front of me, but then felt a tap on my shoulder, so I whipped around.

"No, stop trying to focus on where you think I am by what you heard last...I want you to focus on where I am going to be, based on the direction you hear me heading...pay attention Kara." I stopped spinning around and tried to listen, he kept saying things, taunting and teasing; Peter's style of fighting. I was understanding what he meant, I could hear him on my left, but then heard him again on my right, and so on, he was zig-zagging right towards me, but slow enough for me to catch him. I realized he was pretty close and waiting for him to zag back to my right, in which I swung out at him. I missed. "Good!" "I missed you though." "Yes, but you were pretty damn close to hitting me, which means you're learning...so keep it up." He did it again, this time choosing another pattern, I was realizing Peter would also have his own pattern that he preferred and once I figured it out, I could easily tell where he was about to be and strike.

I decided to switch it up, since he was tapping me to get my attention as he passed, I let him do this a few times, feigning stupid, then when he repeated the pattern again, I punched low, striking his stomach, the noise he made helped me find the distance and I was able to drop down and swipe kick his legs out from him. I heard him land on his back, with a 'thud' and removed my blindfold, he was lying there holding his stomach, but a small smile playing on his lips. I was about to say something when he struck his arm out and took my legs out, causing me to fall down too, although I fell sort of on top of him. Any laughter dying out, I looked up to meet his gaze, I knew what that face was, that look, I had seen it before. I moved to get off of him but he held me there, "please...don't..." He released me and I sat up, he did as well and we just sort of sat in silence for awhile.

"I'm sorry..." He shook his head, his eyes scrunching a little and his lips pursing a bit, giving me the look of 'nah, don't worry about it' without actually saying anything. "No, let me...explain, I guess. Peter and I grew up together, in our old faction, I never really had many friends and he was always getting into trouble. Peter is smart, strong, good looking and very capable, but he only looks out for himself and is a very selfish person...also very possessive. As a child though he was sweet, just mischievous, we met by accident. I was playing some music in an abandoned office and he was running from some guards, having done something or another. He ducked into the room and we noticed each other, he told me to tell them I had not seen him, but being in Candor, lying was very punishable, so I didn't want to. Luckily they asked me if I saw 'Peter', since I didn't know his name as a fact, it wasn't a lie that I said I hadn't. When they left he came from hiding, calling me out on what I had done instead of lying, he sat with me while I played and then walked me home.

"He said he wanted to meet up with me again, that we should be friends, I tried to explain to him that I was considered a 'teachers pet', because I was being groomed to replace faction leader Jack Kang, and that was why the other kids didn't like to hang out with me; I wasn't very fun. He told me he didn't care, he thought I was pretty and smart, and he never blushed, he was always confident of himself and his stances since day one, that is just who he is. Well time went on, we got older, and he became normal boy-curious, and wanted to try out innocent things with me, like hugging, holding hands and even kissing - before getting serious with a girl. So I agreed, the way he explained it made sense at the time, Peter always was and will be a smooth talker, its this charm you want to hate, and do...but something still draws you in. Well we practiced, but it never really stopped, him being almost a year older than me didn't matter nor did it when his friends found out. He told them to shut up and leave me alone, he didn't care and he would beat up whoever didn't listen to him.

"This was almost two years ago, my mother decided to throw me a birthday party, inviting everyone my age to attend. Being sixteen wasn't really anything special, but my mother said that after that I would constantly be at the council meetings with her as Jack Kang's personal assistance, I guess she was hoping this would keep me there during the choosing ceremony. Well Peter didn't show up early or on time, but much later when the party was nearing full swing, the adults had went next door to give themselves a break, plus being in Candor...we were all usually pretty trustworthy..."

"Except for Peter?" I nodded, "but since he hadn't shown up yet, they assumed he wasn't coming, but I knew better, he was counting on them to finally leave. My mother never liked him, but other than some normal bad teen behavior, I didn't see why, she just always said: "it is this look in his eyes, and it gets worse when he looks at you". I only ever saw love, but I should have known my mother was as smart as she is beautiful. Well he finally showed up, but I had been talking to another boy, one who was interested in one day getting a seat on the council and was asking me some questions. Well Peter didn't see it that way nor did he care too. He pulled me away rather roughly and into my room, I readied myself for him to yell at me, he was just passionate like that, at least that's what I always told myself, besides he had never hurt me or belittled me once before. The yelling never came though, at least not from him..."

I pulled my knees up to my chest, I could see Eric wanting to stop me, he maybe knew where this was going, but it felt so good to tell Tris and something made me want to tell Eric. I took in a deep and ragged breath, before beginning again. "He threw me down, and started taking off his clothes, he told me to get undressed as well. It wasn't that we hadn't been intimate before, we had...but it was my birthday party and for once people were being nice to me...I just wanted to enjoy that for awhile. So I told him no, maybe later, but that didn't go over so well. He shoved me back onto my bed and then climbed on top of me, forcing me down," my eyes started to blur over, but I told myself a long time ago, I would shed no more tears on these thoughts, and I wasn't going to break that now. I cleared my throat and blinked my eyes dry enough, "his hand started to go up my dress, and I shoved him away, upset and hurt that he would do that to me, but being so close, I could smell something on his breath, he wasn't really in his right state of mind. I told him to leave, that I would forget this and he could come back tomorrow when he had sobered up. He didn't like that, the next thing I knew, he pulled a small knife out and put it to my throat, he told me to be still and don't move. If I loved him and didn't want him to do something he would regret, I would listen, I ask him would he not regret this whole act and he looked me dead in my eyes, a second of sobriety and didn't say a word...I knew then, the answer was, 'no'.

"He put his other hand back up my dress and continued what he was doing, then removed his hand and some of my clothes, before...well, you can guess what happened next. When he was done, he dressed slowly, told me he loved me, kissed my forehead and left my house. I saw he dropped the small knife and I picked it up and ran into the bathroom, hiding myself in the bathtub with it like it would save me if he came back. Eventually it got quiet, and I could only hear my own cries. I couldn't believe I let someone do that, or that someone I loved, who claimed to love me, could even bring themselves to do something like that to me. I started to think poorly of myself, I felt worthless and dirty, used and just about anything else shitty I could. Before I realized it," I started to roll my sleeve up slowly, "by the time I noticed, I didn't care, I didn't hurt anymore. I took the weapon he used against me and used it to cut all the bad out...I just didn't want to feel anymore." I held my arm out, showing the dozen or so scars that lined my wrist, he winced a little, it was one thing to get a busted lip during a fight, or a paper cut from filing, but he probably never saw someone who willing dissected themselves.

"Later my mother came over and noticed the party had cleared out, and came to check on my in my bed, but noticed I wasn't in there. I don't remember her finding me in the bathroom, I just remember waking up in the hospital ward, my mother asleep in a corner. After that it was rough, I was given truth serum after truth serum and forced to tell what happened to me, repeatedly to officials, doctors, my mother and witnesses at the party to see if any of them could corroborate my story...no one believed me even with the serum...but it didn't matter, they decided not to do anything to him in return for him leaving our faction during choosing ceremony, to which he agreed. I just never expected him to follow me here, but he admitted that he did just that. The other day what you saw was him attacking me in the shower, I froze, and then tried to run like I was helpless...he keeps making me feel that way, but I don't want to be that person anymore...also I guess, since I can't get in trouble for it now...the reason I am so good, was I befriended, someone who will remain unknown, from Dauntless and more or less explained what happened. They offered to teach me self defense and get me in fighting shape, that way maybe if I were ever in that situation again, or perhaps if I encountered Peter again, I could defend myself. It is one of the reasons I wanted to become Dauntless and was glad that I did..."

Eric sat there quiet for a moment, taking it all in, I guess, before finally saying something. "I'm sorry, and yes for what happened to you, but more for being wrong the other day and saying those things to you in the training room. You are right, I had no idea, and I wasn't really concerned, but I am glad that I know now...it explains a bit, but you will need to figure out how to overcome that fear, like I said before, you need to take back control. It will help you to do so, that is why I want you to fight him tomorrow, whether you lose or not, I want you to show him, he no longer owns you." I took in everything he said, "why, though?" "I think you've slowly made me realize, maybe Peter and I have some personality issues in common, and that little cocky bastard needs to be taken down a notch...but I'm not the cold and heartless person everyone else gets to see. I am a Dauntless leader and I can be brutal, but I went through the same training process and came out on top, we are looking only for those who can carry out orders and not falter, none of these new rules are mine. I've just been elected to enforce them among new initiates, but when I look at you it's like I forget everything I've ever been taught, and that is something I've never felt before, and maybe that confusion is also pissing me off during everyone's training and I am taking some things out on them...but it's the only way I know how to be, sometimes, bad is just bad and it can't get better...it doesn't mean we can't try, speaking for myself at least."

I think in a way he was asking me to give him a chance, that he...liked me? It wasn't that I didn't get butterflies when I was around him, because I did, a fuck ton of them...but could I be ready for that? Maybe that is why he wants me to take back myself and my control from Peter, so I can open up to him and offer more of myself. I could also be just wishful thinking out of my ass, so there's a thought... "Thanks for the extra training today, and for listening...but a bit of advice, if you want a girls attention, you don't throw her friends over the chasm." His face fell a little, "I'll keep that in mind..." He walked me out and halfway back to the mess area, I could hear it was dinner time, not realizing how long we were in his room. "Good fight tomorrow," I nodded, breathing in nervously, "win or lose, I'm going to try." With that we parted ways, I went in first and sat with my friends, who immediately bombarded me with questions. "What the hell?" "Where did you go?" "Are you alright?" "What happened to you?" I quieted them all down, "first off, is Chris ok?" Will nodded to me and Tris picked up from there, "yes, we took her to the infirmary, she will be fine, should return tomorrow." I nodded, "alright, and calm down guys, I'm fine, I just got punished for my little stunt back on the chasm, nothing I couldn't handle."

I looked over at Four who had cleared his throat, he wanted to me to give more details without saying out loud, I looked around at my friends, their worried faces could use some cheering up, so I obliged...lying a bit. Just because I was from Candor didn't mean I couldn't lie, I just chose to be a good girl and not, but being Divergent and now Dauntless on top of it, well there was no stopping me. "He basically told me to fall in line and get with the program, learn to follow orders or else...and I told him I wouldn't mind following orders, if they came from an actual leader and not an asshole on a power trip..." Four choked on his food and the others busted out laughing. "So what did he do?" "He got pretty pissed and made me do push ups and sit ups, run laps, things like that until he finally let me go to come eat. He also said because of my little quips I was up first to fight tomorrow, so lets hurry up and eat so I can shower and get some sleep...I think I am going to need it." Sure I hated to lie to them, but at the same time, they didn't need to know what really happened, that was between my leader and I...

*****Please if you, or anyone you know has been sexually assaulted or has thoughts about suicide - there is help and hope. This goes for every sex, age, race, religion and orientation. No one es exempt from help or care! If you need someone to talk to or just help in general about what is hurting please don't wait to ask!

Sexual Assault Hotline: 800. (4673)

National Suicide Prevention: 800. (8255)

If you don't feel comfortable talking to them, try a family member or a close friend. I am also here for you, just to talk or vent...anything you want! There is always someone to listen!******


	7. Chapter 6

*********WARNING:POSSIBLE ASSAULT TRIGGERS********

I woke up feeling re-freshed, I definitely felt lighter being able to tell someone else about my secret...well only part of it, but still. I am set to fight Peter today, but I'm nervous deep down. It isn't that I couldn't defeat him physically, well probably, but it's that once I get in front of him, I can't help myself from shutting down, it is something I need to get past though. I cannot let him continue to control me or run my life, I am promising myself that I will no longer be afraid...easier said than done right?

I got dressed rather quickly and went ahead down to the pit, I started stretching and warming up, soon the others filed in, including Eric. "First up on the mat, Kara and Peter." He smirked as we walked up together, instead of bumping fists, we both just took up our stance, him blowing a kiss to me, I wanted so badly to look Eric, and I wasn't sure why. It isn't like he could jump up here and fight for me, or force me to unfreeze and do it myself. For some odd reason, he made me feel a little better..."Begin." I went to throw a foot up and high kick Peter, but he was quicker, my body already reacting to him being near me. I had missed and he punched me hard in my stomach, I forced myself not to double over but back away and get some space instead, already planning my next attack. Much to my dismay, he already started his and before I could back away enough, he threw a punch into my shoulder causing me to lean and my head to be thrown back. He took the opportunity to drop down and swipe my legs out from under me. I landed on my back and didn't even have time to gasp for air before he was on top of me.

"Stop playing, if you're going to take her down, then take her down." I tilted my head back, the barely visible worried look Eric had in his eyes, he wanted this fight over with. So far Peter was only hitting me enough to hurt, but not doing any real damage, he was toying with me. He leaned down over me, really close to my face, when my head tilted back down to look at him, in front of everyone he kissed me, actually kissed me. In that moment I don't know what took over me, I threw everything I had into shoving him up off of me, and pulling myself up along with him. Once I was sitting up enough, I reared my right arm back and shoved, palm open, up and forward as hard as I could. Instantly I heard it, 'craaaack', I had broken his nose. His hands flew to his face immediately but I was already sliding out from under him and on my feet. I kneed up as hard as my tiring body could, connecting with his jaw, he fell on his back now cradling his whole face, screaming in pain. I began to kick him in his side, over and over again, his screams of pain drowning out whoever was yelling at me.

I didn't realize what was going on around me until my body was being pulled away from him, and my anxiety finally let itself kick in. "LET GO OF ME! DON'T TOUCH ME!" The arms holding me drug me out of the room and into a hallway before letting me go. "Calm down Kara, or we will have to restrain you until you do." I wasn't looking at who was talking to me, I focused on the wall, throwing my hand out behind me, taking in deep breaths. "I'm...alright... I'm..calming..down now." "I got this, go check on him." I didn't hear Four answer him back, but could hear the doors to the pit open and close. I turned around now leaning on that wall, letting myself slide down it to sit, the coolness of it felt good through my clothes. Eric squatted down in front of me, "well it wasn't exactly what we were working on, but you got the job done. How do you feel now that you got to kick the shit out of that dick?" I laughed through my deep breaths, "it felt good, I didn't want to stop..." "Yeah we saw that, I'm honestly surprised a few of those moves didn't kill him, just broke his nose and definitely bruised his ego." I laughed again, "well you're the victor, are you able to go in and start your next fight." At this point even though my body was tired, I knew I could take on more, my fear was no longer controlling me, my anger was and I felt sorry for the next person to feel it. I nodded and let him pull me back up to my feet, following him into the pit, "next fight, Kara and Molly." I cracked my knuckles, eyeing her carefully as we both walked up on to the mat together, her face looked nervous but she put her hands up, trying to find her own confidence. "This is for Chris..."

Later at dinner

"Oh my god Kara, I'm in the infirmary for like one day and not only did you get personally scolded by ice leader, but you go hand to hand with Peter and destroy him...I saw Four walk him in, his face looked wrecked! On top of that, you also fought Molly for revenge on me and kicked the ever-living-shit out of her too! Man I need to practice more so I don't miss out." Chris had just been released from the infirmary, and Tris and Will decided to catch her up on what she has been missing, I liked the smile on their faces, true friends were really nice to have. "Alright well you guys finish eating, I am going to get some ice for these knuckles and will meet you later in the room. Don't forget, we get to see our parents tomorrow, so Al make sure to get some new clothes!" My comment on our parents got them talking again instead of wanting to accompany me for ice. I fought five more rounds after Peter, and won all of them but asked to give up after winning the last one, I was surprised Eric agreed, but he did. Speaking of...I don't see him around the dining hall right now, oh well. Tomorrow we get to see our parents one last time, and be given a few items that had to be left behind. WE get to see them because on Saturday morning, the score board will finally be revealed from the past two weeks and we'll be seeing who gets cut and who gets to fight another day...

It would be a sad and happy day for everyone who switched factions, you get to let your family know that you are alright and initiation is going great! As for Dauntless, many will be lying to their parents, as some of us are getting cut the day after and it could be any of us, all we know is four of us will be factionless. It was rough to think about, but I had high hopes for myself and my close friends Will, Chris, Ed, Myra, Tris and Al. We all seemed to be really good, as well as Peter, Molly and Drew...which was at least ten of us, so the odds didn't look bad. Honestly I was more nervous about seeing my mother, what I would say to her, what would she say to me...I didn't care if I became factionless, I just don't want to see her sad or disappointed because of me, and there is a chance that could happen. It was too much to think on, so I was happy for the distraction of my hands hurting, my knuckles split and bloody in a few areas; punching faces wears the skin down fast I learned. It is mostly bone connecting to bone, that's why I couldn't last another round, my knuckles had numbed up a little, but started throbbing again while I was eating; broken knuckles and holding a fork don't mix.

I knew Peter would be in the infirmary, but I was hoping they had him knocked out on some meds, so I could slip in and get my hands wrapped and get some ice, maybe something for the pain. I had only been here once to check on Chris with the others the night before, we stopped in on our way back to our bunks. However it wasn't hard to find, and not much climbing thank goodness, I wasn't sure how they expected severely injured people to make the trek. "What can I help you with?" I held out both hands and let the lady inspect my knuckles. "Follow me, you must be an initiate?" I nodded and walked behind her, she lead me to a small curtained off area, and pointed for me to sit in one of the chairs. I did while she grabbed some things she needed before pulling up the other chair in front of me. "Now this will sting a bit, I need to clean around the area so you don't get an infection, and because it's on the bone, I can't stitch it up. So you will need to keep it clean and stay off using your hands for a bit. I can give you something to take for the pain, but only when you really need it." "Thank you." She nodded and went on cleaning my hand, wrapping them and giving me a few pills in a bottle.

On my way out, I stopped and chanced a look at Peter, he had thick bandages over his nose, I could see the bruising creeping outward towards his eyes and cheeks; an even darker spot between his chin and neck. I looked around and didn't find the lady who helped me, so I dared going into his area, pulling shut the curtain behind me. "I'm sorry for this, I am...I didn't initially want to hurt you, ya know...but it was like it came so easy for you to hurt me... I just wanted to take back control over my life, I have lived in fear of not only you but other guys, being touched at all, being looked at, I was becoming too afraid to be in any capacity with another person, even my loved ones...that wasn't right. I had to tell everyone what happened to me, over and over again..." I started crying a bit, "but you, you got to act as if you did nothing wrong because you claimed you remembered nothing from that night from drinking so much...yet all you've done is torture me with the memories I had to live with...you said you loved me, and for the longest time, even after everything I was stupid enough to believe you still did..." I leaned close to his ear, my tears drying up now. "Now you know though, if you ever touch me again, I won't hesitate to kill you, I'm no longer afraid of you Peter...whatever love I thought was still between us, you ruined that too, you can't help but taint the people and things around you, can you? I will no longer be a part of that, just know next time we're in this position, you might just die in this sick bed...so how does it feel to finally be at the mercy of someone else?"

I leaned back a bit, knowing his eyes were open, for the first time ever, as I squeezed his arm tightly, I saw fear flash across his face. I smiled sweetly, hearing the nurse make her rounds, before kissing him on his forehead and turning to leave. I didn't get far though before rough hands caught my elbow, I whipped around, coming face to face with grey eyes; Eric. He tugged me around and down hallways and stairs until we came to a familiar door, his room. He opened it and gently pushed me inside, I was confused, but I didn't turn around, even though I felt him get closer to me. His chest pressed softly into my back, I could feel his breath behind me, gently moving my hair. I had only ever been in the one relationship, but I can honestly say, Peter never made me feel this way. I was mixed between nervous and excited, a butterfly feeling in my stomach, flapping so hard they could almost carry me off, all from us barely touching. "I didn't see you in the dinning hall earlier..." I chanced trying to talk, my voice didn't quiver nearly as much as my inner thoughts were.

"I was pissed so I got some air...I seem to be feeling that odd emotion whenever I'm around you, it's like my normal cockiness took stupid pills...it's hard to explain, but when I'm not near you and I feel like that just thinking about you...it pisses me off and I don't know what to do about that." I nodded, sort of knowing what he was talking about, but unsure what he wanted me to say to make it better...I didn't know how to explain it myself. "It also makes things difficult because sometimes I feel like I should act but I stop myself because I don't want to frighten you..." I turned around slowly, looking up and deep into his eyes, shaking my head gently, "you don't." It looked like maybe he wanted to lean down and kiss me, still slightly unsure, but we never got that chance as a knock came at his door, instead he picked up and twirled a piece of my hair before dropping it and turning to leave. "I have a meeting, you can leave when you hear us down the hall..." He didn't look back at me, I think if he did, he wouldn't have left this room, and we both know he needed to.

As soon as he shut the door I let out a deep breath I had been holding in, not feeling afraid like I have been recently, but still feeling nervous about someone touching me again. Although I think conquering my fear and beating the shit out of Peter helped, I think what did it the most was that this hardened, asshole of a leader, was the one who helped me do it...all because something in my eyes intrigued him...sometimes something so simple, can shake up your constant reality and force you to expand, maybe we are expanding together?

When their footsteps got so far down the hall, I took a quick look around and made sure no-one else was there before hauling ass back to my shared room, knowing I should have been back to my friends by now. Of course when I got back, the girls grilled me on where I had been, I waved them off, telling them I took my time, no big deal, but later that night when laying down with Tris, I told her I saw Peter after my hand and told her what I said to him, she told me she was proud, but to be careful, of course we both know I didn't mean it...I mean not unless he came after me again, but being able to threaten him, see my abuser so helpless, knowing that I caused it...it was a bad ass feeling and gave me some of my strength back, as well as opens possibilities of trusting someone again. It felt nice and with everything happening with Eric, I needed to start healing, I am sure there are many people of all factions that have been put through some form of abuse...some don't get opportunities like joining Dauntless has allowed me, I would wear this new confidence with pride, for all of us...

A/N: Yay! Kicking Peter's ASSSSSSSSS! Girl power rocks and I am so happy that I can show such strength to overcome, but still enough vulnerability to keep her human, Kara is by far one of my favorite characters to write. I do hope these chapters are better, but still making all of my readers happy! Also I hope the warnings help at the beginning of rough chapters or paragraphs, as well as any information I can help you find regarding abuse for yourself or a loved one. Thank you and I look forward to more chapters with you!

*****Please if you, or anyone you know has been sexually assaulted or has thoughts about suicide - there is help and hope. This goes for every sex, age, race, religion and orientation. No one es exempt from help or care! If you need someone to talk to or just help in general about what is hurting please don't wait to ask!

Sexual Assault Hotline: 800. (4673)

National Suicide Prevention: 800. (8255)

If you don't feel comfortable talking to them, try a family member or a close friend. I am also here for you, just to talk or vent...anything you want! There is always someone to listen!*****


	8. Chapter 7

I was looking forward to seeing my mother, everybody was, except Al, he looked a bit down. "What's wrong?" I sat next to him, he just shook his head and fidgeted with his fingers. "Are your parents coming today?" He looked up, not in front of him, but past whatever was there, "I don't think so...my father told me I would be useless in any faction and that it would be safer to stay where I was...but I wanted to prove him wrong, so I broke my moms heart by coming here...and now I feel like I should say my final goodbye, because I don't think I'm going to make it here Kara...I really don't..." I patted his shoulder, "don't think like that, mental is next, and you might be stronger there, enough to bring your rank up...just hold on, alright?" He nodded, and I stood up, grabbing his hand and pulling him along with me, "come on, let's go see if your parents are here." He begrudgingly followed me, not looking better but I was hoping his parents came otherwise, we'd listen to him cry all night...again... he did this almost the entire first week and finally stopped, I didn't want this start him up again.

We walked around looking for his parents, but the crowd was thick, so I pointed over to a ladder. "Hey let's go over there, I can climb up a bit..." I dragged him over to it and climbed up it, "so what do they look likes?" He shot a pointed look up at me, "my mother is me but shorter, my dad is a little taller than her..." I nodded, "gotcha..." I scanned the crowd, only briefly meeting eyes that were trying to hold mine captive, I wonder what he is doing out here? I forced myself to look away so that I could continue my search for Al's family, when I thought I had spotted them. "Hey is that them over there, nine o'clock?" Al turned his head and squinted to see, he nodded, throwing me a 'thanks' over his shoulder as he took off in their direction. I decided to climb higher up on the ladder, making it to the top where the shops were and sitting on the ledge with my legs draped over. I was still trying to find my mother, hoping she was going to come, I know leaving might have broken her heart but not enough to not use this one chance to see me again. I felt a presence behind me, but it didn't feel like my mothers, this felt different...I turned to look but there no was no one there, when I turned back around, I saw my mother making her way up the ladder.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her the rest of the way up, "ma, why did you do that? I could have come down to see you! It's dangerous." She laughed and waved me off, "you forget that I was born in Dauntless, it's just been awhile since I've done it, you know back in my day they had ropes from the ceiling, but it was harder for the elders and pregnant women to get up them, so they settled for the ladders." I laughed, knowing in this crazy faction it was probably true. She stood up and I followed suit, she held me out at arms length, smiling with her lips but her eyes were glassy. "You remind me of your father, so strong, determined and proud...you always reminded me of him, it shouldn't have surprised me that you would choose Dauntless, I guess I just hoped you wouldn't...but I am very proud of you!" I hugged her, but she cut it off before I could let myself linger. "You don't want them to see that, love for another faction could get you in trouble, especially here..." I wanted to cry and have her hold me, pet my head like she used to, to make it all better...but she was right, and we were in prime area to be seen. She gently rubbed my busted lip that was almost healed, "my poor baby, but at this stage I could have expected much worse, I knew you would thrive here..." She held my hands gently for a moment inspecting my knuckles before signing and resigning herself to a soft smile with worried eyes.

"Ma, I just wanted you to know that this wasn't to hurt you...I love you so much, but I..." She cut me off, holding a hand up. "Baby, I understand, I'm sure you had a reason, and I know it means the world to you...just like mine did years ago. I still love you, faction before blood may exist for some people...but when you have a child of your own...you'll understand. That love and bond is unconditional. I will always love you baby, now stay strong...I can't stay too long, they will end up watching you too closely and not for good reasons." She leaned in and kissed my forehead, I closed my eyes to savor the moment and when I opened them she was already halfway down the ladder. I could see the tears rolling down her cheeks, glistening from the low lighting. I was about to race down and catch up with her, not afraid of being factionless in that moment, not if I could stop her tears, but a hand caught my arm. "It will only make it worse, and she is right, the other leaders are watching and it would be suspicious...don't get kicked out for that...once you are full Dauntless you can go and do whatever you please...just wait." I nodded, not needing to look to know it was Eric. My eyes naturally scanned the crowd to avoid looking at him, when I tensed up, his gaze followed mine. "A stiff?" I shot him a glare for a second, "Tris' mother...I need to ask her something, don't worry I will bump into her on accident so it doesn't look bad."

His grip loosened on me and down the ladder I went, running as fast as I could on the edge of the crowd to get to the front of the hull, this way I could slow walk back this way and run into her. I didn't noticed I was being followed at the time, thankfully there was no interest for them in what I really needed to say to her. I gently ran into her shoulder and she stopped to apologize, "you're Tris' mother, right?" She nodded, a small smile, she didn't know if this would be a good conversation or a bad one, coming from a Dauntless member, I could understand her hesitation. "Could I ask you a favor...?" She looked a bit confused, but nodded. "Forgive me, it might seem selfish of me...but my mother, her name is Nora, she looks like me...a bit, she is in Candor...maybe if you see her in passing, or by chance, could you just...well it sounds silly, but could you maybe just smile at her, or ask how she is doing? My father died a long time ago and I left her to join his faction, she is all alone now. I know she still loves me, and she knows I love her...but sometimes broken hearts can be fatal...she is on the Candor council and I was supposed to be too, but I don't know how they might be treating her now...just if you could..." I looked down, embarrassed a little about asking so much from a stranger that doesn't owe me a thing, maybe she would think I was taking advantage of her selflessness. "I watched you all, mostly Tris, but all of you that first day...running along between the brownstones, climbing and jumping on to the train... I have always had faith in my children, whatever they chose to do in life...but that doesn't mean I was unafraid of her making it, I was fearful watching her jump...but I also saw you help her before hand, and then the help she offered another...to repay you for your kindness and selflessness of helping my daughter, I will do what you ask, for it is also selfless despite what you think. You thinking of your mothers heart gives me hope, please continue to look after my daughter." "I promise I will do what I can Mrs. Prior." She nodded, smiled once more and then went on her way, attempting to disappear in the crowd but her gray clothes only served to make her stand out even more.

I left the area and went back to our dorm area, seeing a present left on my bed, a small note on it:

"I knew I couldn't give you anything, in case someone saw but I gave this to a friend of yours, I hope it finds you well...

Nora..."

I opened the box and my pedal instrument was in there, as well as one of her famous walnut berry muffins, but all the nuts had been picked off...which was odd, my mother thought I loved them, but I always picked them off and gave them to...Peter...no I doubt my mother gave him the box, but no...she knows what he did...I'm sure she gave it to Tris or anybody else, maybe she finally noticed I didn't like nuts, or just forgot them, yeah that's it. My pedal box was one of the few things I owned that I couldn't live without. A switch on the front let three pedals fall out, and when you opened the top a digital instrument, in electric blue, came up. You could swipe through them to find the one you wanted to play and I was really decent at a few of them, the piano and violin being my favorite. I hid the box in my hoodie and looked around before sneaking out and down to the training area, knowing most people would still be in the hull seeing their families, or mingling and shopping. I found an empty room and opened my pedal box, I left it on the piano, placing my fingers down gently and playing a soft tune, I thought I would be rusty but I wasn't too bad.

I heard clapping behind me, I quickly grabbed my pedal box, closing it and tucking it under my arm before turning around and seeing...

(A/N: Sorry this chapter was super short, but the next chapter should make things more interesting...have fun and I hope you are enjoying this re-write, or if you are here for the first time, then just enjoying the story in general! Leave me a comment/review to let me know how I am doing and your thoughts, I really appreciate it and will try to take every ones suggestions/helpful criticism into consideration, thank you so much! Also don't forget to check out my website, you can follow my forum for important updates, and re/read the original of this story - link in bio  
)


	9. Chapter 8

THIS CHAPTER IS OPTIONAL - IT IS EVERYTHING YOU HAVE READ SO FAR, BUT FROM ERIC'S POV AND IT IS INSANELY LONG, SO PLEASE KNOW IF YOU DO NOT READ THIS, YOU WONT MISS ANYTHING FROM THE CONTINUED STORY - THANK YOU!

(A/N: Hello everyone! Just wanted to let you know this chapter will be super, super LOOOOONG! I wanted this to be from Eric's POV, from the time he first saw Kara, up until the point we are at now, the next chapter will start back from Kara's POV, so just to forewarn you about how long you will be reading.)

-Having trouble with a lot of my _Italics_ transferring over onto this, so the past chapters will have missing Italics, I will go back and fix this weekend! Sorry!-

*****Also because we are starting back off, from Eric's POV, we will be hearing some of Kara's past again, or his thoughts on it, so I will put this warning now! ******

~~~~WARNING: POSSIBLE ASSAULT/SUICIDE TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER-READ AT YOUR OWN RISK~~~~

I saw the fresh meat jumping from the train, some of them helping each other up or checking themselves for scrapes...even the Dauntless born, which was disappointing to look at. "Alright initiates, listen up, my name is Eric and I will be one of the Dauntless leaders that will be in charge of your initiate training. If you are ready to enter Dauntless and start on working your way to becoming a permanent member, this behind me is the way in. If you don't have the guts to jump, then you do not belong in Dauntless and there is a ladder over there that will take you down and someone will escort you to factionless." Some smart ass looking kid dared open his mouth, "Is there water at the bottom or something?" I smirked, no way are some of these stiffs going to make it here... "I guess you'll find out...or not. Well someone has to go first, so who is it going to be?" I saw a couple heads start moving, but to my deepest surprise, one of the biggest stiffs stepped up first, the grey surrounding her only serving to make her unappealing face more so. "I will go." She climbed up on the wall, taking off her sweater, one of the other morons in the back of the group making fun at her, as a leader though I had to hide my chuckle. "Today initiate," she finally jumped off, for a second there I was hoping I could just push her, not that I wanted her in this faction, my bet would put her not lasting more than a few days, at best.

Before I could call for the next jumper, continuing my surprise, another chick was already climbing up and onto the ledge. "Wow, another transfer so eager to please, well go ahead initiate." She locked eyes with me, her unnaturally blue ones piercing mine, something in them... it was slight sadness, but determination. I almost reached out to catch her as she stepped off the ledge, something about her eyes, they made me forget where we were and I wanted to save her, almost as if she was stepping off a curb as a bus was coming...I shook all thoughts of her out of my mind, "next jumper..." I didn't even pay attention to who went next, I just kept seeing her face, falling down, never wavering from mine...I should have known then that she might be trouble...

After the jumps, I took the side entrance down to the leaders headquarters, walking in I was surrounded with cameras and a few of the other leaders, I walked over to Max. "I see everyone jumped?" I nodded, "yeah," "how about that first one huh?" I nodded again, not sure what he wanted from me, "didn't expect it from a stiff." He shook his head, "oh right, I guess I mean the second one, she's a hottie..." He was talking about blue eyes, and I could agree, she was very attractive to look at, but that isn't what caught my attention. "Well I need to get down there, and bring the Dauntless born up, see you in the hull for dinner." I clapped him on the back as he walked out, some of the other leaders following him. I sat in an empty chair and watched the monitor, there was a camera in front of the doors to the new initiates dorm area, they were propped open right now and there she was. Just standing there amongst the others, but she stood out so much, even with everyone in black uniforms.

Once I saw them moving out to head to the hull, I hopped up and ran down to the leaders balcony, so I could be there in time to meet up with Max. He cleared his throat, "initiates stand up," I watched as they all rose, my eyes searching for one in particular. "You have now chose to join the warrior faction tasked with the defense of the city and all its inhabitants. We believe in ordinary acts of bravery and the courage that raises one person to stand up for another. That is the Dauntless way and we expect you to do us proud." I watched as the other Dauntless rose up, clapping for them, before hoisting them up on their shoulders, I watched as others carried her out and frustrated myself into a headache about her. I couldn't help but think about those eyes as I lay trying to fall asleep, it only served to piss me off twice as much, I'm sure the rest of training will go swell...

I stood with Four, arms crossed, waiting for the new group to arrive, waiting for her to arrive. I locked eyes with her momentarily before forcing my eyes to scan over the others. I let Four do his little spiel before butting in, " there will be a little change this year and going forward with other initiations. You will be ranked starting day one, today, by the end of week two, there will be cuts made. There are 20 of you now, the end of the second week I will only be looking for 16 of you to remain. Once you start the next two weeks you will be added to the Dauntless born, to which they will push you above the thirty total threshold, but I will only need 26 of you. By the end of week five, only 16 of you total will remain, make sure you can keep up, Dauntless born will have an advantage over you, from growing up here and having years of pre-prep training." A petite girl interrupted me, "wait, we're getting cut?" I nodded, "yes, at the end of each stage, when ranking is determined, if you are below that red line on the screen," they glanced behind me, where I pointed, "then you can pack and will be escorted out to factionless." Another was upset, weaklings, "somebody should have told us about the new rule before the choosing ceremony." I could only smirk, glancing over at her almost made it falter, she held me again. "Why? Would you have chosen differently, out of fear maybe? If that is the case, you might as well save yourself and us the trouble and leave now. You chose us, so now we get to choose you, simple as that."

I stood back as Four introduced them into mild combat motions, giving them pads and partnering them up, of course I had to walk about the room and get a good eye on everyone for ranking purposes...but I would be lying if I said I wasn't paying special attention to, Kara..., she had some moves to her. They switched up after awhile to the larger pads, this is where it will get interesting, and I couldn't wait to see what she brought to the table this time. She was paired up with that stiff who jumped first, the one Four stares at, still too plain Jane for most of the men's taste in Dauntless. I watched as she threw her body into her elbow hits, like she had been doing this for years. After a few more I watched the stiff hit the floor, Kara apologizing to her before helping her up, she was acting innocent, but I can tell she was honestly trying to practice and is far more advanced than the others, only one way to test this little theory of mine...

As they started on kicking and kneeing I waited, watching the stiff, Kara tried to give her encouragement, I should deduct rank points for that, but since we promote team work... When they switched and Kara began, "I'm going to kick pretty hard, hold it tight," I knew her warning would go unheeded, Kara's kick only succeeded in a cluster-fuck. The stiff fell back and knocked into the petite girl, who almost got kicked by the smart ass guy from before. Four went over and took the pad, attempting to pair her off in a triangle with two others, while he took point with Kara, although, now would be my opportunity to see what is going on with her, considering the looks we keep sharing. "No, Four you take that one, I'll take this one." Four shared a look with her, asking for permission, pathetic, I shoved the pad into his chest, grabbing her arm and pulling her back into line, walking away for a moment to grab a pad for us. I stood my ground, looking into her eyes, her strength pushing through, I nodded, "begin." She started on kicks, highs and then lows, in the reps that Four taught them, she kept checking to see if I was budging, and I hate to admit that I almost was. Her kicks were pretty powerful and I was definitely impressed.

"Knees." She continued, not wavering from her stance, nor skipping a beat in between hitting me, it was an attempt to keep up her momentum. She grabbed my shirt tightly and pulled on me hard, my height being more difficult for her low knees, as the others compensated for their partners, and I chose to see what all she was made of instead, and I'd have to admit, her pulling on me like this, gives me a feeling I haven't felt before, it was also really hot. When she was done, and almost breathless, I was hoping she could go further, so I moved the pad up a little to see. I raised my brow at her, I could feel my signature smirk coming on, that's my girl...wait, what did I just think? She backed up a little, I was a bit confused, but I kept watch, she ran towards me full speed, as she closed the gap between us she pushed off the ground with one foot. She was on me in seconds, one knee squeezing me and the pad for support, as well as her arms wrapped around my neck. She held tightly onto me and used the leverage to quickly bring her other knee up several times rapidly. She let go and dropped to the floor, as she stumbled I threw my arm out, snatching a hold of her, steadying her, that was the hottest thing I have probably ever seen... The others came and checked on her, Four giving her some bullshit pep talk about believing in her body...no there is no way she wasn't taught those skills somewhere...I wanted to know where though.

The others got back into line, and I guess she thought we were done, wee're just getting started baby girl...I took my stance and raised the pad back up as they switched back to punches and elbows. She started hitting and I can't lie and say I wasn't disappointed, it was one thing to hit like this with the stiff or maybe some of the others, being they were much weaker, but after that stunt she just pulled...I'm going to need something better. "What is that?" She shrugged at me, "my punches?" I was getting a bit pissed, there was no reason for this, "after your knee stunt, if that is your punch, then you're the one trick pony I think you are." I could see her get a little pissed, her punch came much harder, but I knew she could do better. "That's it?" She hit a bit harder, but still not there yet, "really? It feels like a cloud punching another cloud." She hit again, harder this time, then again, still not enough, again! "At this rate, I could do anything I wanted, you're too weak..." This punch was about as hard as it would get for her, and I can tell you first hand, it was pretty fucking hard...at least that is how my face feels about it.

I smiled, we were finally getting somewhere, "ok, maybe I underestimated you...not bad initiate, I think that is enough." The others had run over, I suppose for 'her' safety, but I didn't really notice them. Four let them go for a break, making sure to say in front of me, that he would be pairing up with her when they returned, which was fine, I would move to the side, as much fun as it was fighting with her, she was better to watch. Something almost poetic in how she moved, I've never seen anyone, gender nor age difference, move the same way. I followed them out and into the hull for food, I mean I was already heading that way, there was no reason why I couldn't go with them. I also happened to sit near her table, and watch her as she picked at her food. Something was apparently bothering her, she might tell some of the friends she was making, but they all looked like they were focused on other things. She turned her head, locking eyes with me, I wonder...I got up and walked out, getting not too far down the hall before I felt a tug on my arm. "Eric!" My name on her lips...what is this feeling, what is she doing? I made sure to stonewall my face, turning slowly to keep my composure, looking at her grip on me before meeting her eyes. "Initiate." She chanced a look down at her feet, but locked eyes with me again, "I...I uh just wanted to say I was sorry, for missing the pad and punching you, I know you were just pushing me to my full potential and I messed up." I turned completely so I could face her head on, looking down at her shorter frame, "if it was your full potential, then you need a lot of work. Sure the punch was decent, but it took you getting completely mad before you could hit that hard, to be Dauntless, we need that punch the first time every time."

She let go of me, her hands moving behind her, I was missing the feel of her already, "I understand, and will be working on that, sir." As much as I wanted more of her and her company, I didn't have a reason to keep her any longer, and still had to keep a definitive line between leader and initiate, "then, was there something else you needed?" Her face fell a little, maybe she was expecting more from me, "no, sir...thank you." She turned around to leave, but I could tell she looked lost, so I followed behind her for a bit...just to see. I lost her around a corner, but realized there was only one place she could have ended up. I watched as she wondered around the room, the light reflecting the colors from the glass and on her skin. I wanted to stand there and watch her for the rest of the day, her smile was radiant, her skin glowing under the colors and her eyes... I thought I heard someone coming, "initiate," I hated, but needed to interrupt, I shook myself from whatever thoughts I was having, only getting pissed at myself for having them in the first place. She looked at me, still smiling, "training is about to start, get back to the pit, follow me." She did without questioning me, it was cute, but stood out. I took her as far as the training room, holding the door open, "thank you..." she mumbled as she went past me, leaving her to partner up with Four, like that will do her any good.

I knew I needed to keep my distance from her after that, I ended up staying up half the night hitting the sand bag trying to knock thoughts of her from my mind, which only served to piss me off even more, because I didn't know why she was on my mind at all. So during their training I stayed away, I only went to the leader office to watch her on the cameras, but never in person, not until I couldn't help it. I watched as Four had them stop and clean up and found my cue to make my way down, as he was giving his final speech for them I stepped in before they all left. "Also, do not forget at the end of next week, whoever is below that red line, will be cut. After that you will be joining in with the Dauntless born and be ranked together." They all made little quips under their breath, but filed out in defeat, I knew most of them would not make use of their off days to train, and it would reflect that next week in actual combat. I was the last to leave, or so I thought, until I turned around and saw Kara adding some weights to her body and line back up with the punching bag; _attah girl._

I left to tend to some paperwork in the leaders office, and kept a close monitor on the cameras. I had just finished some work and was about to start on ranking when I noticed Kara was finally done and heading back to the dorm area. I shrugged it off and left to get the score sheets. When I came back I noticed that someone else had just entered the room, now most of Dauntless have their own living quarters, some of the work programs we have do put opposite genders together in a living area, but they still have separate bathrooms. I knew she just got back from a work out and would more than likely be taking a shower, so for one of the guys to walk in...it better have not been that Peter guy, I know Max and some others have their eye on him for something special...but I've seen the way he looks at her and the glares he gives me...I don't like this one bit. I immediately left to make sure everything was alright, I wasn't too sure something was happening, so I didn't hurry there or anything...maybe that was my mistake.

As I got closer to their dorm, I heard screaming and I'll admit my stomach dropped for a second. I busted into the room, Peter was on top of her, she was crying and screaming, clad in just a towel and he was forcing her down, kissing on her. I couldn't help the rage that flew through me, I saw red and that was it. I yanked him up off of her, "get out now!" He stumbled before catching his composure and running out, not even chancing another look at her; coward. I turned back to her, she was huddled in a ball, breathing deeply, trying to calm herself. I kneeled in front of her, my body instinctively wanting to reach out and touch her, but after that I didn't think it would be a good idea, nor did I really understand why I was doing it. She flinched and I know I felt my face falter, I wanted to comfort her, but the person I am doesn't know how to do that, and maybe that isn't what she needs anyway. "Are you alright?" She nodded, rubbing her tears away, I stood up and offered her a hand, to which she took. "Go get dressed, I'll make sure no one comes in." She nodded and left, I turned my back and watched the doors, until I heard her about done, then I went and sat on a bunk, trying to sort myself out.

She finished and came to sit down next to me, she didn't say anything so neither did I, I figured she would talk first, or if it went too long I would make a reason to leave. "Thank you," she squeaked out, and it sounded nothing like her, how could that confident girl I've been watching train, be reduced to this child-like mouse, in mere minutes; she continued. "I guess all I can offer, is sorry's and thank you's...but I mean it." I nodded and she stood up, I guess she was ready to leave, or maybe she was afraid to be alone with another guy right now, even though I saved her. "What happened?" I risked asking, not sure if she would tell me, but the answer she gave...I don't think in all my years of being alive had I ever wanted to hold someone and cry or find someone specific and rip them apart with my bare hands. "Boys will be boys, right?" I reached out and grabbed her, wrong move, she snatched her arm back and cradled it to her body. "Sorry, I just...I don't like to be touched..." I don't know what happened, if there was more than what I just saw, or maybe something similar...or maybe it was because of what I saw earlier, were those burns...or something else? I reached out, easy this time, "let me see..." She shook her head, "there is nothing to see, may I join the others?" I sighed, I couldn't force her, no that wasn't the way to have her open up to me...I nodded, letting her go, but not before she turned and thanked me again, it didn't make me feel like a hero, it didn't make me feel Dauntless at all, in that moment, I felt weak...and I couldn't explain why.

I watched the cameras a few times over the weekend, watched how she avoided leaving the dorm area unless she thought she might be left alone, then she was made to tag along with her friends, and she put on a brave face. I had decided to stick around for all her fights from now on, just to see what would happen, it didn't seem like she let what happened to her affect her, she also hasn't had to face him in the ring yet. Her first day went smooth enough, although her opponent was clearly weaker than her, there is no way she would have won even if she tried more. Even when Kara was taking it easy on them she was still kicking ass. The next day wasn't much better, she was paired with a good friend of hers and was mostly playing with her to wear her out, this is was getting ridiculous. "Stop playing with her and end it." She slugged her one good time and the petite girl went down, Kara shot her a look and I knew she was being nice to her. With her next fight I was disappointed, it was like she let herself get backed out of the ring, I shot her a look of anger, but she brushed it off and went and sat with her friends.

It wasn't until the last fight that I regained my composure with her and realized what was up, Four had paired Peter against her and I knew she wasn't ready for that, something about him made her freeze up, and I didn't want that hurting her as far as rankings go. "Stop, that was enough for today, get some rest tomorrow, you are going to need it for Thursday. First up will be Molly and Christina, remember this is without safety gear and this is nearing the end of the second week, cuts will be made." Everyone left, even Kara, but I could understand after being attacked last time for staying and working out alone, that she would fear doing it now. She left in a blanket of safety surrounded by her friends, but I figured she would find time to sneak back down here to train, it was something she couldn't help, and I liked that about her, wait, I what? So I left but continued to glance at the monitors until my shift was over, then let Four know on his way in to keep an eye out for her, he asked why but I didn't give him any information, I owed him nothing...or rather my pride didn't.

I was in the monitor room watching the camera's again, as per my duty during initiation training. I watched as some of the transfers, including Kara, were in the training room practicing, them giving less effort than she was. What they didn't know was that this was counting towards their rankings, as to why I was in here at odd hours of the day and night, even their off days. Effort put in will show on the points we choose to point out. I don't assign the points, but I and the other training leaders give our notes, remarks and special details we noticed with our trained eyes. These go to the council and the elder leaders, like Max, sift through them and award points based off the information. So it wasn't us in particular that is the deciding factor, nor could it be our favoritism or strong dislike for any particular initiate, because one of us could say something counteractive to the other and an elder would have to watch and decide for themselves. It is a different system put into place than in the past, and sure...maybe I am happy that when I was training it wasn't, because at that time I don't think I could have measured up to Four...not like that would ever be admitted. Now though, he has let himself go soft, even slacked on certain skills and even turned down a leader position for something easy like wall duty...ridiculous.

It was around noon and I was about to head out for some food, when I chanced a last look at the monitors and saw that Kara's friends had abandoned her for similar, but as usual she stayed behind to practice more. I jotted that into my notes on all who were present before leaving and making my way down there. As I got up on the door I could hear music, humming that turned into words, I walked in and leaned against the frame, just watching her. She sang and danced around the sand bag, punching and kicking, like something I had never seen before...it was something to behold and I could feel an odd pain somewhere in my stomach...or maybe my chest...when she stopped. My foot slipped and kicked the door a little and she looked over at me, I had to think of something quickly. "I thought there would be more of you down here today?" She shook herself from her song and regained soldier behavior. "They were earlier, but I decided to stay a little longer..." I was interested now, I folded my arms and stalked around her, "show me what you got then." She looked puzzled, "on the bag?" I nodded to her, unless she was interested in sparring, then I would be happy to.

She moved again like fluid, throwing hits and kicks, treating it as an actual match, using fighting techniques that she would on the floor; I wonder who she is picturing? "Stop," she was breathing hard, sweat beading off of her body, I had to keep my composure though. "Not bad, I wouldn't think someone like you would be this advanced at this point, I definitely underestimated you..." She put her hands on her hips, pouty style, it was cute, not what she was going for I'm sure. "What do you mean someone like me, sir?" "Well a girl from Candor, and the other night, you showed me some vulnerability...I wasn't sure if you were weak or strong." Her cuteness vanished instantly, great word vomit, she yanked her gloves off and threw them aside rather roughly, she is definitely pissed... "I appreciate the concern, sir, but until you know me...you'd do best to remember that you don't! I am still thankful for the other night, but you have no fucking idea what you're talking about so maybe just don't." She stormed out and I decided to let her go, giving her some space, she was right. I could have been a little less of an asshole about the other night...I don't know the circumstances, but you came here already knowing how to fight, and can fight damn good...so why freeze up when being attacked? It didn't add up, but I am realizing I said some awful things, I wonder how I could apologize...it's just thinking about her, seeing her, being around her even...just makes my brain go in two different directions, I want to push her harder, but hold her at the same time...and I have no idea why or what the hell is going on.

I gave her space, gave myself some space, but I couldn't stop, every time I was in that monitor room I found her, no matter where I looked...eating, shopping, getting a tattoo, walking the halls, entering or leaving the dorm...everywhere I looked she was there. Finally it was time to fight and I let myself join in on the matches, knowing she would eventually be paired with him again...but I would try to stave it off for her, I still couldn't figure out why though.

Christina was fighting Molly when I walked in, getting her ass handed to her, but new policy says no one concedes, and she knew the rules before walking into the ring, except she was giving up. I walked over, wanting to be the leader I was, show what we were expecting of them and also with a mix of frustration and mild anger at myself, for feelings towards Kara that I couldn't explain. I scanned the room, avoiding Kara because I knew what I was about to do and knew if I looked in her eyes I wouldn't go through with it...and maybe I need her to think I am the monster I need to be, to get her out of my head...I know the plans that are coming to pass in the future and I don't know if I want that done to her. "Ok here," I offered Christina my hand, she took it, almost unwillingly and I pulled her to her feet. "You alright?" She was holding her side, but nodded, even though I could tell she was in pain. "Good..." I had walked her out to the chasm, and gripped her forearm tightly, tossing her over the rail and forcing her to hang on. "Grab the rail, now." She didn't want to, so I let my grip slip a little, she let go of me to hang on to the slippery metal. "You have three options, let go and die, decide on factionless and I'll pull you up now, or you can hang there for five minutes. This is a lesson, and the education to come from this will be up to you to decide."

I risked a glance at Kara and the glare she was giving me should have made me flinch, or even angered me, but instead my stomach flopped and maybe, I might be going too far. The group was cheering for her, but it didn't matter, she would persevere or not, either way I wouldn't let her fall...I may be a monster, but not the kind they all think I am. Before I could stop her or even realize that it was happening, Kara turned and dropped down beside Christina, "Chris, we got this, let's count our minutes down in the Dauntless way." Kara stared me down hard, worry, fear, rage...just about anything one could feel I felt all at the same time, but one feeling stood out, even though I couldn't tell what it was...not at the time.

"...We do not believe that any other virtue is more important than bravery, sir!" I sighed, "time - pull them up." I watched as she helped push Christina up to the others, I brushed past them and as soon as she was up far enough I gripped her arms and pulled her the rest of the way and down the chasm off to a hallway, letting Four know the others should get back to training immediately. He yelled back at me, but nothing he would have done would have stopped me from taking her, I needed to get to the bottom of things, before more stupid shit like this happens. I had stopped us at the bottom of a stairwell, pulling her up to meet my side. "What the hell was that back there?" Determination...and something else shone in her eyes, I had to forcibly stop myself from getting any closer to her. "You threw her over, she was weakened from a fight. I wasn't and I could barely hang on, Christina is more brave than I am...you reminded me of that the other day...I didn't recite the Dauntless oath for fun, I wanted you to know that in a way I get why you would want to teach her a lesson that way, but I wanted you to know the reason we joined Dauntless was to stop people like you...reasons why you punish are similar reasons why I would stand up for Chris and whoever else. You said I was vulnerable the other day, but compassion goes along with being a soldier, otherwise why did I sign on to become a protector of this city if I didn't even give a shit?"

I couldn't help the animalistic growl that escaped my lips, she drove me wild, with her everything and I can honestly say that I have never felt like this about anyone I ever met...but no one I had ever met, had near as much passion, heart, courage, strength, skills, compassion and beauty all wrapped into one. I needed to know why she made my chest hurt and my brain feel like it was melting whenever I was around her. I moved in closer, but maybe too quickly, as I left almost no space in between us, her back against the wall and our chests near touching. She sounded as if she had stopped breathing, but then I noticed it was just coming very slowly. I was so close I could breathe her in and her scent was heavenly, nothing I had smelled before, and it was also hard to describe much like my feelings towards her right now. Maybe honesty was key...she's only been that way with me, here goes nothing... "You're not vulnerable...you were right, I don't know what was happening that day...and as much as I want to be cruel to you like the others, I can't bring myself to...something about you pisses me off...interest me at the same time." She looked up at me, her bright blue eyes softened by the light of the room above us, she put her hand on my chest and pushed me back gentle enough that I thought she wasn't even really touching me. "Then get to know someone and show interest in them, maybe you'll learn something instead of your usual asshole approach." I couldn't help but let a small smile peek, if she would have sounded mad then maybe it wouldn't have sounded so cute coming from her mouth. "Maybe I will take you up on that, but I'll try, if you do..." She looked confused, but if I am being honest, I was too...I think I meant that differently than I wanted to...and I don't want to scare her away; quick, recover. "I want you to fight first tomorrow...I want you to fight Peter."

She looked like she might be sick, she had to steady herself on the wall, and I knew instantly I probably should have went with my first meaning, but regardless of what happened, I cannot always be there to save her...not in the future when everything goes to shit, so I need her to be able to stand up to him on her own. "Look I don't know what happened between you two, but what I saw in that room, was not the same girl I saw fighting that sandbag, or during training. You need to take back whatever he took, gain that control...if you want help, I can do that for you." She nervously rubbed her arm, and held it close to her body, she looked on the verge of a panic attack. "I won't prod you, I just want you to succeed, but fighting him may get the better of you and could effect your ranking...I don't think for someone with your skills, well it wouldn't be fair...and I can't have you go anywhere right now, not while I'm trying to figure everything out." She nodded, agreeing with me, she was staring at the ground and then looked up to me, her piercing eyes and face saying one thing to me; teach me.

"Come on then," I waved to her and she followed, down and around a bit more until we came up on a door, "where are we?" I unlocked and pushed it open, "my room, but I also have a lot of workout equipment in here, and there won't be any distractions." I was surprised she took what I said at face value, it seemed trusting wasn't her strong suit, then again, maybe it was... I lead her over to the spar mat in the middle of the area, and pointed some gear out to her. "I thought you were going to teach me how not to freeze up?" I nodded, "yes, but you'll be hitting me in the process... I don't need bruises everywhere." And you can hit pretty fucking hard for a chick... She laughed and I froze, for just a second, caught up in the sound before coming back to reality, I grabbed a black cloth and walked back over to her. "Turn around." She was afraid instantly, what happened to you? I went on the defensive and eased back, "don't worry, I am just going to blindfold you, I want you to learn to fight with all of your senses. Right now you use your eyes, which are great, but seeing Peter could potentially make you vulnerable. I want you to learn to hit him without that."

She calmed herself and allowed me to put the blindfold on, after, I backed away slowly and moved to another side of the room. I kept coming in closer and closer, whispering things, trying to confuse her senses...or at least that is what I kept telling myself, when I knew better. Every time I got close to her I could smell her and I was thoroughly enjoying it. At one point she whipped around and I almost got caught being too close so I quickly moved away, to chastise her from a distance. "No, stop trying to focus on where you think I am by what you heard last...I want you to focus on where I am going to be, based on the direction you hear me heading...pay attention Kara." I decided to take it more seriously now and taunt her like Peter would once they were on the mat together, and I made my way towards her rapidly, intent on passing beside her quickly. I was not expecting her to get it so fast, so when she swung out to hit me, I almost got punched right in the face, sigh. "Good!" "I missed though." "Yes, but you were pretty damn close to hitting me, which means you're learning...so keep it up." I went again, running odd patterns in front of her, teasing and saying playful things to her, which made her smile, but I could tell she was trying to stay as focused as possible.

This time I tapped her shoulder each time I circled her, my room being maybe not the best place to practice as it was so open, there were bound to be a few echos. I thought I was outsmarting her, even if just a little, but she caught on quick, a swift punch to my unsuspecting stomach was all it took, _oof_ , then my legs, thud. I gripped my stomach but smiled as she took off her blindfold, the happiness that shone on her face when she was able to learn something new, something to help her learn to fight better, it made her so happy... something so simple. I couldn't help myself and I struck my arm out taking her legs down, allowing her to topple down on to me. Our eyes met, the intense feeling to kiss her plagued me, but she went to shove off, I held her gentle, yet firm to me, not ready for the moment to end...until, "please...don't..." she sounded so broken in that moment, my grip vanished. We both sat up and I let her sit there, gathering herself, I could tell on her face their was something she wanted to say but was trying to figure out how to say it. I never expected her to say what she did though, "I'm sorry..." I wanted to be angry, she had no reason to be sorry, I would never force her to do anything and if she wasn't feeling anything for me, maybe I mistook it, or maybe she was scared...

"No, let me ...explain, I guess..." She went on to tell me about how her and Peter used to be friends when they were younger in their old faction, and how she was awkward and it was hard for her to make friends so she was happy to have him. Which I couldn't understand, she has so many friends now, but maybe that is just a front to not be lone. She then proceeded to tell me they were 'dating' so he could get some practice in, what a joke, and how he had been invited to a birthday her mother threw for her, but every teen in Candor showed up but him... Until he did, she told me how she prepared to hear him yell at her for the misunderstanding, but it wasn't him, who did the yelling. I watched her pull her knees to her chest, I wanted to reach out to her, even from seeing her before...I hadn't seen her this broken...her breath deep and shaky made my insides boil at what could have possibly happened, to which I never thought she would actually say...

"He threw me down, and started taking off his clothes, he told me to get undressed as well. It wasn't that we hadn't been intimate before, we had...but it was my birthday party and for once people were being nice to me...I just wanted to enjoy that for awhile. So I told him no, maybe later, but that didn't go over so well. He shoved me back onto my bed and then climbed on top of me, forcing me down..." I could see her eyes getting glassy and wanted to hold her close to me, tell her to stop, I didn't want to hear anymore, but that isn't what happened. "His hand started to go up my dress, and I shoved him away, upset and hurt that he would do that to me, but being so close, I could smell something on his breath, he wasn't really in his right state of mind. I told him to leave, that I would forget this and he could come back tomorrow when he had sobered up. He didn't like that, the next thing I knew, he pulled a small knife out and put it to my throat, he told me to be still and don't move. If I loved him and didn't want him to do something he would regret, I would listen... I asked him, would he not regret this whole act? He looked me dead in my eyes, a second of sobriety and didn't say a word... I knew then, the answer was, no."

She took another ragged breath, and I had to force myself to sit still and keep quiet, this was a privilege to be let in, to get to know her, be there for her...what I wanted, right? But like this...it felt wrong to know about all this, and only served to make me feel murderous towards a certain initiate. "He put his other hand back up my dress and continued what he was doing, then removed his hand and some of my clothes, before...well, you can guess what happened next... When he was done, he dressed slowly, told me he loved me, kissed my forehead and left my house. I saw he dropped the small knife and I picked it up and ran into the bathroom, hiding myself in the bathtub with it like it would save me if he came back. Eventually it got quiet, and I could only hear my own cries. I couldn't believe I let someone do that, or that someone I loved, who claimed to love me, could even bring themselves to do something like that to me. I started to think poorly of myself, I felt worthless and dirty, used and just about anything else shitty I could. Before I realized it," she started to roll up her sleeves, and I was hoping those weren't what I thought they were...

"By the time I noticed, I didn't care, I didn't hurt anymore. I took the weapon he used against me and used it to cut all the bad out... I just didn't want to feel anymore." She held her arm out to me, showing me the many scars that lined her arm, I couldn't help but wince at the sight, it made me more than sad. "Later my mother came over and noticed the party cleared out...I don't remember her finding me...just waking up in the hospital ward...After that it was rough for me, I was forced to take the truth serum and had to repeat my story to everyone, doctors, officials, my mothers...no one believed me nor could anyone from the party corroborate my story. He was given the truth serum and could honestly say he was too drunk to remember things that night, so it was hard for them to believe much...even though they knew I was telling the truth, it just didn't matter. He agreed to leave our faction during the choosing ceremony, and all was supposed to be forgiven, but I never expected him to follow me here, even when he admitted it...and that is what came of you stopping the shower ordeal the other day, I just froze...I mean I tried to run, but he just makes me feel so helpless. I don't want to be that person anymore...also...I'm assuming since I am already in this faction, technically speaking...that I can't get in trouble for telling you the truth of how I got so good so quick at fighting?"

She looked at me curiously, I gave her a soft smirk, "go on..." "...I befriended someone, who will remain unknown, from Dauntless and more or less explained what happened to me. They offered to teach me self defense and get me in fighting shape, that way maybe if I were ever in that situation again, or perhaps if I just encountered Peter again, I could defend myself. It's also one of the reasons I felt so strongly about making the switch to Dauntless." We both sat quietly, I was letting myself gather my thoughts so I could say the right thing this time. "I'm sorry, and yes for what happened to you, but more for being wrong the other day and saying those things to you in the training room. You are right, I had no idea, and I wasn't really concerned, but I am glad that I know now... it explains a bit, but you will need to figure out how to overcome that fear. Like I said before, you need to take back control from him. It will help you to do so, that is why I want you to fight him tomorrow, whether you lose or not, I want you to show him, he no longer owns you." I wish she would have taken everything I said at face value, because it was hard enough to get that much out, but... "why, though?"

I sighed, "I think you've slowly made me realize, maybe Peter and I have some personality issues in common, and that little cocky bastard needs to be taken down a notch...but I'm not the cold and heartless person everyone else gets to see. I am a Dauntless leader and I can be brutal, but I went through the same training process and came out on top, we are looking only for those who carry out orders and not falter, non of these new rules are mine. I've just been elected to enforce them among new initiates, but when I look at you it's like I forget everything I've ever been taught, and that is something I've never felt before, and maybe that confusion is also pissing me off during everyone's training and I am taking some things out on them...but it's the only way I know how to be, sometimes, bad is just bad and it can't get better...it doesn't mean we can't try, speaking for myself at least." She smiled softly, more to herself, but I was happy to see it. "Thanks for the extra training today, and for listening...but a bit of advice, if you want a girls attention, you don't throw her friends over the chasm." Shit...I forgot, I did do that a few hours ago, didn't I? "I'll keep that in mind..."

I had walked her back to the mess area, we stood there, looking at each other for a long time, I was enjoying it and I think she was too, but I knew her friends would be looking for her sooner or later, and I didn't feel like dealing with all that shit right now. "Good fight tomorrow..." She smiled nervously and nodded, "win or lose, I'm going to try." She turned and walked in first, I followed a minute later, Tris and the others attacking her with questions, while I sat and stared at her smiling, throwing up defensive hands and telling them whatever she wanted to throw them off from the reality of where she was and what she was actually doing. I watched as all of them burst into laughter at whatever she had said, instead of her joining them, she glanced a look at me and caught me red handed, I wanted to look away but didn't care this time that I was caught. I held her eyes until one of the others around her pulled her attention back to the table, I ended up just leaving altogether, I needed to think more on what I was feeling and everything that I knew was going to happen quite soon. I wanted to tell her so bad, or maybe hide her...warn her...but why? This is what i signed up for...even though none of the others did...I believe in what we're going to accomplish, don't I? Then why does she make me second guess everything in my life, even this, a moment I worked hard for, something I should be proud of...the future we are building towards...but one thought of her and I want to tear it all down. Shit...I think I am in big trouble...so why don't I care?

(A/N: ok everyone, so that was super effing long, and if you made it all the way through ~~ Congrats! It was an optional chapter to read, but it was fun to write it, and I used this as a bit of buffer during my writers block...since it was repeating a lot of stuff just adding his feelings into it...I'm not sure I am entirely happy with how things are going right now...a part of me is thinking my original had more thought to it, but well I am glad if you enjoyed please leave me a review/comment. Thanks !)

*****Please if you, or anyone you know has been sexually assaulted or has thoughts about suicide - there is help and hope. This goes for every sex, age, race, religion and orientation. No one es exempt from help or care! If you need someone to talk to or just help in general about what is hurting please don't wait to ask!

Sexual Assault Hotline: 800. (4673)

National Suicide Prevention: 800. (8255)

If you don't feel comfortable talking to them, try a family member or a close friend. I am also here for you, just to talk or vent...anything you want! There is always someone to listen!******


	10. Chapter 9

I turned around and saw Peter standing behind me, his hands stopped but still in clapping position, he almost looked like he was praying. He moved his finger tips to his lips, rubbing them a bit, "I've missed your voice song bird...honestly." I grabbed my pedal box, as it shrank back closed, tucking it under my arm and I made an attempt at moving past him, but he slid over and held his hands out stopping me. "Hold on now, I just wanted to talk to you, you hurt my feeling the other day...attacking me like that, tsk..tsk...song bird." I pulled Eric up in my mind, picturing him and what he was teaching me allowed me to put on a brave face now. "I bet I hurt a lot more than that and I will do it again if you don't move, now." He wagged a finger at me before snatching my music box and holding it out of reach. I hadn't noticed him walking us backwards until my back hit the table I had been playing at, I tried not to let the panic show on my face. He pressed his body into mine as hard as he could, setting down my music box so he could use his hands to trap me more. "I want you to tell me you're sorry for hurting me...and beg for forgiveness, maybe afterwards we can talk about your punishment..." He put a hand up, I refused to flinch, he twirled a piece of my hair in his fingers; _disgusting_.

"You got every ounce you deserved, maybe even a little less you pig!" I spat in his face, only resulting in him slapping me across mine. He didn't look mad at all, he looked a little sad even, maybe I could hit him in a soft spot... _does Peter even have one of those_? "Why are you doing this to me? Any of it? I get that you're an asshole, and I even sort of get a few years ago...but why continue like this? You used to tell me you loved me...if you did, why can't you just say sorry and leave me be...?" He raised his hand, I prepared for another slap, but instead he simply caressed my face where he hit it. "You know...I really do miss you and I never stopped loving you...but this is who I am without you. Maybe I fucked up, but aren't you supposed to forgive me? Maybe you never loved me!" I know my face had a shocked expression, it took everything in me not to round on him, instead I stopped the welling up in my eyes, intent on not letting any fall... _How can he still hurt my feelings after all this?_ "That is bullshit and you know it, you fucked up and I'm sorry but what you did is one of the most unforgivable crimes...I refuse to go down any roads with you again..." With that I snatched my pedal box and brushed past him, he let me go this time, "I do still love you, song bird." I flipped him off as I ran out the door. My head was spinning, I had too many thoughts from different factions going through my head on how to process what just happened to me...

I started running in a direction unsure of where, I just let my feet carry me, until they took me head on into a solid surface. My body instinctively flinched when the solid mass seemed to reach out for me, I hadn't meant to, and when I looked up and saw Eric I finally started crying. It was a silent cry, but the tears needed to come out, the ordeal may not seem like a lot to most people, but when you have to look someone who hurt you, the way he did, in their eyes, having them touch you again and talk to you about love and it being your fault...so many mental issues you thought you'd worked through come back to the surface. He extended his hand to me again, I used it to pull myself up and into his arms, I know I took him by surprise but I couldn't help it, I wanted to feel really loved or at least somewhat cared about in this case. It took him a half-second before he let himself hold me back, his arms felt safe and warm, enclosing me into his hardened chest...I felt peace for the first time in a long time. He pulled us down a narrow hallway and out of sight of possible eyes, he just allowed me to hold onto him and dry my eyes on his shirt.

Eventually I quieted down enough to look up at him, his eyes were closed but opened quickly, I smiled up at him and he gave me a sweet smirk, _of course it would still be a smirk_. "What happened?" I shook my head, "just...I ran into Peter, or rather he was spying on me and anyway, forget it, nothing happened, I was just a bit upset over the ordeal...but I'm ok." He gently cupped my chin and tilted my head up towards him, turning my face slightly, "and did you run into a wall or a fist?" I met his eyes, they softened as he released me, "I'm fine...I feel good honestly, I think I was just overwhelmed but I managed to save myself this time..." I smiled brightly now thinking about it, I really did save myself, I didn't need to be rescued and I didn't let Peter do anything he wanted... I wasn't afraid at all... "You sure you're ok?" I nodded, "yes, thank you...for letting me run into you...and for this." Before I could change my mind I leaned up and kissed his cheek, smiling before running off. Too afraid to see his reaction afterwards, I just took off back to our quarters and curled up on Tris' bunk, happy but drained, I fell asleep fast.

I woke up to bright lights and a gently stern voice, Tris, "rise and shine sleeping beauty, pit in two minutes." I realized I was still in my clothes from the day before, and I hadn't really done anything besides see my mother, so I brushed my teeth and my curly mane before heading off. Dauntless born were already milling about, as well as a few leaders standing near something covered in a black sheet. I overheard a few Dauntless born whispering about their scores and could put two and two together. The other transfers began to filter in, Four joining and pulling us to the other side. "Everyone be proud no matter the outcome today! Keep in mind it was not up to me to cut anyone loose and this is a new rule, so I am sorry." He leaned close to my ears, "hey, if Peter does anything else, come get me...I'll take care of what I can." I nodded, knowing Tris told him a bit of my past with Peter, because she didn't want me to fight him the other day...but, last night...how did he even find out about that?" I smiled slightly and nodded, he walked off and joined the other leaders, my eyes followed him before something better caught my attention; Eric's gaze. It startled me for a second, he was staring pretty intently, I know for the sake of the others he couldn't show much emotion, it wasn't his personality, but I think this was his way of letting me know he was there.

"Good morning initiates and dauntless born, I personally wanted to come down and oversee the scoreboard reveal today and to congratulate most of you. For those who don't know because of lack of attention, my name is Max and I am one of the main leaders here. We did implement a new rule this year, we only need 16 of you, right now I have twenty of each of you but only thirty-six spots this first cut. So lets see that scoreboard!" Eric pulled the cord and the curtain dropped, I was number 21 - ranked first after the dauntless born, next was Peter, Drew, Will, Molly, Chris and Tris; a few more initiates before the last four that were cut. I didn't know them very well and I felt really bad. "Those who were cut, you have twenty minutes to grab whatever personal items you have and meet me back here so you can be sent out to factionless, to the rest, congrats and please enjoy this day to practice and rest up. In two weeks we will have another cut of ten of you. Then you have a week for those left, to prove yourself before we cut the last of you, only needing the sixteen left. Those remaining will go on to have final testing and job placement."

Four gathered us up, "alright, that was a bit brutal, but you guys got this, remember next time you will be grouped with dauntless born before being cut, so you have more to lose then. As for today, I know Max gave it as a rest and re-coop day, but I honestly think, since I already have the sim room booked, we should go so I can get you started on this weeks training - you can leave and enjoy your day if you would like...but those who want to learn something can follow me." Of course we all followed him, for most of us, we had only ever been in the one simulation and that was for picking a faction, so we were all a bit scared or at least nervous I think.

"I am glad everyone followed me, you can take a seat on those stools along the wall over there. I have a video for everyone - this is a simulation that was recorded for training purposes. This is a beginner like you all, so they were unaware what they should do, I would like you to make notes to yourself on what you would do in that situation, and keep in mind your own fears. Once the video is over, we can walk through and go through the machine and process before I let you go for the rest of the day. Monday, the fun will really begin." He shut the lights off and we were instantly surrounded by a wall-to-wall simulation, the kid seemed pretty scared. He had a lot of fears: spiders, wolves, thunderstorms, small spaces and snakes; I lost track after that. There were so many and it seemed to take him a long time to get through them, I started to think on how I would have handled things in his shoes, which only made me worry a bit, about how I would deal with my own...what would my own even be?

"Alright, hopefully you made some useful notes, now lets move on to the room behind that door," we all got up and followed him, crowding around the small room. He ushered for Chris to sit in the seat as a prop. "Now when you come in, I will place electrodes on you like this, and then you'll get the injection in your neck for the sim. I will put the electrodes on myself as well so I can immerse into your sim, you will not be able to see or hear me, I will just be a quiet observer. Once you reach the end and you come out of it, I will let you know how many fears you have and the time it took you to get through them. You will just be working on maybe conquering a fear or two this week, next week we will work on time. The least amount of fears and the best time you have, the better your ranking will be." Someone spoke out something we were all thinking. "What are the lowest ever in Dauntless?" "The smallest amount of fears were four and the time on them was just around twenty-five minutes. It usually takes most people forty-five minutes to over an hour with at least 8 or more fears. So keep that in mind as you go through yours. Monday when you get up, come straight here and line up. I will start with the first person and work my way down. Wednesday may be your rest day, but if any of you want more time in the sim, I would be happy to set up another day where we can use it...so maybe let me know after class."

He dismissed us for the remainder of the day, I decided to take a walk, no where in particular but I ended up in the color glass room. It was full of people today which made me sad, but I stopped and looked around at the beautiful-ness anyway. Eventually I let myself leave, wondering around hallways until I was pulled into a narrow one. I looked up breathlessly and into grey eyes, the hallway so small, our bodies had to stay pressed tightly against each other for us to fit. I could feel his breath near my lips and something in me wanted to give in so bad, but I held back and forced a small smile instead. "Hi..." He huffed out a deep breath and smirked back, "hey." We stared for a bit longer before I broke the silence, "is there something you wanted...?" Not that I was minding the closeness, but, I was starting to not feel my butt. "Uh...no...I just saw you walking and sort of, let my body take over...sorry." I smiled and pressed against his chest to weasel out of my hole, "can I come by your room tonight? Promise it won't take long...I just wanted you to hear something..." I hadn't really let anyone know about my singing nor that I had been humming a made up tune to myself since I met Eric...and that my brain was finally able to put lyrics to it.

He nodded, "how late?" I smiled, "such a stickler, tomorrow is a rest day, its Sunday...but I promise it won't take long." He smiled a little and shook his head, "a little heads up?" I nodded, "it isn't a rest _night_...so come by super late. I suggest you take a nap first." He winked at me and walked off, I had no idea what he meant, but smiled on my way to the shops. I wanted to buy a few new outfits, I needed something better than the two shirts and three pants we were given and I felt it was time for new. After my shopping I met a few of the others in the canteen for some lunch, Tris was missing, and I assumed she was with mystery guy. I wanted to talk to her though, privately again, maybe we could even meet up with Tori... _I should ask her later if we can do that tomorrow...I just hate not knowing enough about Divergent and I bet she does too._

It was still early in the evening, but I decided to take head on what Eric had said and made sure I was tired enough for a nap. I passed it along to the others, only letting them know that I got a tip there might be something going down tonight that we should all get an early rest for. They gave me sideways looks but didn't question it, aside from Peter I had the most experience and they were learning to trust my gut as much as I do. I suppose we looked suspicious, all of us turning in at nine-something, because I noticed Peter and his little gang eyed us before doing the same, before long we were all sleeping, gentle snores heard throughout the room.

A bright light shone in my eyes, I woke startled, using my hands to block it out and see who was behind the horrible sight. Four stood with a flashlight, using its beam to wake us all quietly. "You have five minutes to get dressed, grab some gear and a gun." He was whispering so we all glanced around silently while pulling on some clothes, my friends giving me confused looks, probably because I knew something was going down tonight. I looked at the clock on the wall and it was around midnight, we had all managed to get a good few hours sleep before now, so whatever we were about to be put through, at least we could count on the little pick-me-up we had. We followed Four who put a finger to his lips to signal silence, we winded down halls and finally out a door that lead to the train, however it was parked and not moving for us to jump on it. We all climbed aboard and noticed Eric and the dauntless born were equipped and with us on board, only they were smiling, no doubt they knew what we were about to be doing. We all lunged forward a bit as the train began moving, once we were enough away from the compound Eric decided to let us in on what was going on. "We brought you out here for a game of sorts, but do not think this game will be easy nor will it be fun. The game here is capture the flag, you will be divided into two teams, each team will scout a place to hide their flag. You will pick a captain for your group and from there decided on a plan of attack towards the other team while protecting your own flag station. First to a flag is a win for that team. Now, onto the weapons you are holding, they are similar to the ones you've used in training, and are loaded with a special type of ammo used for training purposes." He held one of the bullets for us to see.

"These bullets once shot, will embed in and send an electrical current through your body that mimics the pain threshold of receiving an actual bullet wound. These pain is to help you understand getting shot, allow your body to learn from this, in case of war, I will need soldiers who keep moving after a little flesh wound. Once you are shot you must stay down, or hobble off to the side as you are considered 'out'. The plates in your armor register nerve pulses and will reveal you being shot, they light up once it acknowledges it, so there is no cheating for those of you with high pain tolerances. Now for the teams, Four, why don't you do the honors of first pick." Four nodded, happy to oblige, because he already knew who he wanted on his team. Four ended up picking Tris, Chris, Will, Al, Myself, Myra, Ed and two more from our group, then three from Dauntless born. Eric was left with the rest, including Peter, Molly and Drew from our original team. "Are you sure you don't want a few more Four...your team is only half the size of mine." He shook his head, giving us another look over, "nope, I think we'll do just fine." The train stopped just out of town, where many abandon buildings and equipment were. We all clambered off and followed our leaders in different directions.

We went a few clicks East and let Four pull us into a sort of huddle, "ok guys, this is generally about you all, it's a sort of fun test to see who has what it takes and who doesn't. Which means everything will be left up to you, you'll need to pick a team captain, and just consider me another soldier in the ranks." They milled about for a minute before deciding Christina and I should be captains because of our "honest" nature and the skills we've shown in initiation so far. Chris and I pulled off to the side, making a quick plan before bringing everyone back in. "Ok, so Tris and Four, if you could break off that direction, get to high ground and report back. You three will go find a spot to hide the flag, and you two will take these glow sticks and go a few clicks South to plant as a decoy. Will, Chris and Al will play defense up that way, Ed and Myra you join them but over that way, if they come in you can loop and take them from behind. I'm going to head North a bit and see if I can spot anything, both myself and Tris and Four, we will meet back here in 20. I want all flashlights off, total darkness, radios down to the lowest volume, use whispers to communicate. I mean it!" We all broke off quietly, heading to our respective locations, which is about the same time I realized I should have paired someone up with me to watch my back, but I care more about the protection of the flag, so hopefully I'll be ok.

I was also happy to be alone to sift through the thoughts in my head, so much was whirling about. I was also worried about a lot of things, being Dauntless, passing initiation, where things were going with Eric, was there even anything that had somewhere to go? I wanted to think on it more but a shot rang out towards my general direction, but thankfully missed me altogether. "Come on song bird, I know you're out here...I know you, I bet you're all alone...determined to do this for your team..." I heard Peter running his mouth and that worried me a little, he knew I would be alone, so he is also out here alone...and we need to remain quiet so me wussing out right now and screaming would be bad for the whole team. _But we're in the dark...no lights, just like Eric had taught me...time to put those skills to work girl._ I listened to him and walked around silently, moving towards where he was heading and not just where he had been. I was stalking him, though he was thinking it was the other way around, which would be his downfall. "Kara I know you're watching me, waiting for me to find you, how long do you think you can hide from me? Why don't you just come out so we can have a little fun. I'll even tell you where our flag is, _before_ I shoot you...deal?" He was laughing to himself, thinking he was clever, only thing he wasn't counting for was that I was clever too...and also right behind him, and I'm a way better shot.

I was smarter than to confront him before pulling the trigger, instead I went for the sneak attack and simply just shot him, right in the shoulder blade. I could hear him cussing and writhing in pain on the ground, I walked up to him, a smirk visible on my lips. "You know you shouldn't give your position away like that...how's that for a little fun?" I kicked him in the side before shooting him again in the leg, then I picked up his weapon, slinging it over my shoulder I took off in the direction I was heading before he disrupted me. I was running in and out of rubble, odd car parts and debris when my ankles got tangled up in something sharp and I went down with a hard 'thud'. I moved my legs and almost shouted because of the pain, but bit my lip instead, remembering where I was and what I was supposed to be doing. I heard a noise shuffling, and it sounded like it was coming closer, I pulled both weapons up and aimed them out in front of me. I figured it was Peter following me and sent out a warning shot once I saw the shape of a body in the dark. Whoever it was continued walking towards me, so I sent another shot in their direction, trying more to hit them this time. "Kara, stop, I'm not going to hurt you, I saw you fall, calm down." I heard Eric's harsh whisper and I began to lower my guns until I remembered this was still the game. He came more into the moonlight where I could see him better.

He kneeled beside me, quite close I might add, his face softened when he looked down at my ankles. He used his hand to lower my guns completely and then took his off and laid it beside me as well. "It looks like you got caught up in some barbed wires, hold still." I grabbed his wrist to stop him, his eyes resting on my swollen lip, I had stopped biting it long enough to talk to him. "No, I can do it, that's not the rules, the rules and the game are in place to see if we can make it. I can get my own ankles out, you just managed to show up before I could try." He shook off my grip and went back to try and save my ankles when I grabbed him again, "Kara, just let me help you." I shook my head, I was determined to do this on my own, I needed to prove to myself that I wasn't this weak little girl anymore, I could survive on my own. I think he saw that in my eyes because his look changed into slightly pissed off but still worried, it was hard for even him to manage, I'm sure. "Sometimes we need help, isn't that what you told me, that you would help the weak even if it was your own faction?" I tilted my head and sighed, he had me there, but this wasn't about that, I wanted to argue with him again, but instead of letting me talk, he kissed me.

It was gentle and took me completely off guard, I couldn't help but let my eyes close and kiss him back, only a little. I wanted the kiss to last forever in that moment, but instead I was interrupted by sharp pains in my ankles, which instinctively made me bite down, only on his lips instead of mine. He let out a low growl, or was that a moan? He pulled away from me and I saw he got the wire off my ankle while kiss-distracting me. He helped me stand back up, "can you walk?" I moved around in a small circle, hobbling for a second and then the numbness settled in, only a dull throb. "It hurts but it seems to be numbing up, so yeah I can walk, enough at least." He nodded and before I had a chance to bring up the kiss we just shared, he had picked up his gun and ran off, I stood there a second, not really sure if he was even ever there. I heard some static on my radio and turned back in the direction of my team, wanting to distance myself from any prying ears. "Yeah, Kara here..." I waited for them to come back, it was Tris, "hey, we think we found their flag, meet back up." "Roger that." I took off, limping as best I could, and as fast as I could to get back to my team. Once I came into view of them, they rushed over to me, "oh my god, Kara, what the hell happened?" I waved them off, "I was running around and got wrapped in some barbed wire, I'm fine, it just stings is all." Four got closer and inspected them, "well they aren't deep but you should see the infirmary when we get back...just to clear out any infection." I nodded, making sure to add that to my to-do list for the evening. Tris was blushing a little when he stood back up and their hands brushed, _cheeky, cheeky you two_. I kept my thoughts to myself and only smiled at my team, "now how about that flag?"

We laid out a plan that involved most of our team just bum-rushing theirs, with a smaller team of ours to play decoy and seem to head towards the flag in secret. They would eventually get noticed and take the fall, while their team was busy trying to kill us, I would be climbing the tower and grabbing the flag for the win. We broke apart, me again on my own, made my way straight towards the edge of their building. My team began to make some noise and garner attention, I heard a few shouts before the rest of the opposing team left, leaving one person in charge of the flag, _sweet_. I climbed the turret a few floors up, still hearing the last of the their team running out to join the fight, and I didn't want to be caught. Once I knew it was all clear, I climbed in through the third floor window, and crept the rest of the way up the stairs, finding a trap door in the low ceiling. I gingerly opened it and peeked around, I didn't see anyone inside so I opened it a little more and looked again before hoisting myself up and out. I used the wall to steady myself and help me stand up, seeing their flag in the middle of the room, I went to grab it when I felt a shot glade so close to my face the friction warmed my cheek and a few strands of my hair fell onto my shoulder. I looked up in the direction it came from, freezing as Eric came out from behind some curtains on the turrets balcony, gun in hand, aimed right for me.

"I imagine it took some amount of strength to scale half this building, enter a window and go up a winding staircase with your ankles like that. Honestly I feel you kind of earned the flag, however I can't just give it to you." I sighed nervously, trying to think of my options, if I had any. "Am I supposed to beg or try to shoot you for it first?" He shook his head, tilting his gun up towards the roof, "no, I want you to finish earning it, fight for it, you're a fighter Kara..." I leaned against the wall behind me, looking tired and nonchalant. "Look, I've been stalked, tripped and cut up, kissed, hobbled around for yards, scaled this building and its stairs for this stupid flag...this stupid game in fact, and you want me to keep going?" He looked at me, his eyes softening, slight worry in them, but he wasn't trying to waiver on his smirk. "You've done all that to get this far...even for just a game as you claim it, why give up now?" I opened my mouth to answer, instead I used that distraction time to ease my gun in his direction and pull the trigger several times. Lunging forward for the flag pole milliseconds after my last shot rang out. He was on the ground in pain, I walked over to the balcony and waved the flag about, hollering to my team. My team had run up to the turret and caught the flag as I dropped it down, I motioned for them to get in position, before turning back to Eric who had moved into a sitting position. "Sorry I shot you, but you were right, I didn't do all of that to lost, even for a stupid game." He looked me in the eyes before I waved and fell backwards off the balconies edge. I looked up from the hands that caught me, he had rushed over, worry written all over his face, even in the dark. He smiled before giving me the finger, I only laughed and allowed my team to carry me back to the train, whooping and hollering about our victory.


	11. Chapter 10

Once we returned to the compound Al and Edward carried me to the infirmary, the nurse giving us the evil eye before she bandaged my ankles. She was not happy to be woken up so late to deal with the ruckus of late night Dauntless games. I sent my friends on, letting them know I would be fine, they left and as soon as she got me all fixed up, I did too. I snuck in to my room and changed, quickly grabbing my pedal box and sneaking through halls until I found myself in front of Eric's door, suddenly I was nervous and thought I should turn back...I was about to that is until the door opened and our eyes locked. "I didn't know if you were still coming?" I shoo my thoughts off, and let him guide me into his room, "I was about to turn back actually...but maybe I shouldn't." I turned around to face him and noticed finally that he was only in sleep pants and nothing more, I could see every muscle, scar and tattoo. He was staring at me too, I forgot that I didn't wear much more when I slept, I was only in cotton shorts and a tank top. I felt vulnerable and shivered as if I was cold, "so what did you want to show me?" I rubbed my head and began to head towards his door, "sorry, I think it can wait...I shouldn't have come so late..." He reached out and grabbed my arm gently, I didn't even flinch this time. "You're here...so just be here."

He was right, I couldn't run from this forever, there was obviously something between us and it wasn't right that I was letting my fear of the past decide my future, something in me, well all of me really, wanted Eric, time to find out if he wanted me too. I nodded to him and moved towards the chairs he had around his whole floor of a room. He sat in the one across from me, and watched me pull out my pedal box and set it down, allowing it to open up into a piano. He just silently watched me, I cleared my throat, nervous. I played with the keys a little to find the right tune, I only really practiced this song in my head, _but here goes nothing, I guess_ :

"2am, I'm fading in the dark - Like floating in the ocean - People need the poison

3am, you just touched my hand - Made me lose my focus - I almost didn't notice

And I better know what to do - Who's gonna be the first one to move? - I wanna get closer to you (x2)

I was chasing highs - Then I found you - We're doing it in slow motion, we're doing it in slow motion - I was chasing highs - Then I found you - You are getting closer in slow motion

I'm chasing hi-hi-hi-highs - chasing hi-hi-hi-hi-highs - I'm chasing hi-hi-hi-highs - you are getting closer in slow motion

4am almost touching you - Drowing out the noises - In between the voices

5am there is something more - I caught the luck you gave me - Phases growing hazy

And I better know what to do - Who's gonna be the first one to move? - I wanna get closer to you (x2)

I was chasing highs - Then I found you - We're doing it in slow motion, we're doing it in slow motion - I was chasing highs - Then I found you - You are getting closer in slow motion

I'm chasing hi-hi-hi-highs - chasing hi-hi-hi-hi-highs - I'm chasing hi-hi-hi-highs - you are getting closer in slow motion

I stopped counting the hours - space between us getting smaller and smaller - I'm losing the powers - I'm falling higher and higher with you

(Chasing Highs - Alma)

I slowly let my fingers play a few after notes to linger the song before finishing, I glanced up, nervous and breathless from my belting. He sat there not saying anything and I couldn't really understand the look on his face, so I decided to wrap up what I wanted to say and leave before it got too awkward. So I walked over to him, he stood up too, "basically I wrote that because I didn't know how else to say this, but I like you...you're kind of an asshole but for some reason I can't stop thinking about you. I know it may seem like I don't because of how slow I'm taking things, and maybe if I read things wrong we could just forget this ever happened...but at least I put myself out there...so...I guess that's it." I turned to walk back and pick up my box so I could leave, but I didn't even get two feet before my arm was grabbed and I was spun around, landing on his lips. He put one hand on the side of my face, the other he used to pull me closer, I snaked my arms around his torso as well. I wasn't expecting him to kiss me, nor for it to hold as much passion as it did, _he is a really good kisser too_! I could feel him force himself to slow down and gently back off from me, our bodies both wanting more, but I didn't know if I was ready for that again, and I'm glad he could sense that before letting us go too far. We were both breathless, the taste of him lingering on my lips, I wanted to savor it.

"Does that answer your questions?" I nodded and let out a small laugh, he kissed my forehead, "I don't want to rush things with you, but I will admit that is a difficult lesson I plan on learning. As much as I'd rather you come to bed with me right now, this feels too good to mess up." It made me happy to know he was willing to let me take my time and feel comfortable, but at the same time I understood, my body wanted nothing more than for him to keep his hands all over me and carry me back to that bed. I could feel it in my soul that its what I wanted, but I wanted to be sure that I needed it...so instead I smiled and leaned up kissing his lips softly, whispering in his ear, "thank you," before turning around and leaving. I left my box in his room but knew it would be safer there than anywhere else in the compound, _besides it will give me an excuse to find myself back in his room..._

I walked back to the dorm area, a huge smile on my face, I didn't care that the sun was coming up either, hell I felt I could jog a marathon and still have energy afterwards. I was planning to get back and be able to wait around for a bit before I pestered Tris into waking up and coming with me to talk about Divergent stuff, instead what should find me in my blissful state only to ruin it? If you guess Peter, you would be totally correct. "Where have you been?" I brushed him off and went to move past him and enter the dorm room but he blocked me with his body. "What the hell Peter, I'm just coming to wake Tris." "She left already, most of the room did already, your friends went to check on you in the infirmary...too bad I did that last night and saw you sneak into a certain instructors room." I rolled my eyes at him, "so? Not really any of your business is it?" I went to turn around then, hoping I could meet up with her and the others in the canteen for breakfast, but again, he blocked me. "So you can have secret meet ups to fuck douche Eric but I'm the bad guy here when all I want is things to go back to before with us?" My eyes flew to his in anger, "are you fucking serious? I honestly owe you no explanation for why I was there, but I can promise you it wasn't to do that, and as far as you are concerned if you ever put yours near me again, I'll cut it the hell off!" He gave a light laugh, "then where is your music box...if you didn't leave it somewhere while seducing a certain instructor...?"

"Again, none of your business..." I went to walk off when he yanked me back by my arm, luckily before anything else happened, a deep voice interrupted. "What the hell is going on here initiates?" Eric moved between us and removed Peter's hand from my arm, glancing to both of us, but not receiving an answer. "Dismissed Hayes." Peter shot a sneer our way before turning and taking off down the hall. "You alright?" I nodded and perked up, Peter didn't scare me anymore and I had something to do today that was too important. "I am, sir, thank you...again." I smiled and walked past him, headed straight towards where my friends hopefully were, allowing our fingers to touch in a way I thought would send him a message. I finally got to the shops area and looked down into the hull, I finally spotted her with our friends. They were having such a good time laughing and joking, even sharing possibilities about tomorrows sim testing...I decided to just embrace the good day I was having also, and talk to her another time. Today I was with my friends and in too good of a mood to do anything else, so I joined in on the happiness and laughter, ignoring everything else around me.

I opened my eyes as I heard others around me moving about, I rolled and leaned half off my top bunk, Tris laughing at me, "come on Kar, get up, sim training today." "Yeah, yeah, yeah..." I begrudgingly jumped down and changed clothes. Entering the holding area was like a small hallway with benches on the walls, all plain white, scary and unknowing. We each took seats and sort of kept to ourselves while waiting for Four. "Alright troops, today is day one of your two week testing for the fear simulator. You've been selected randomly, when called please enter the room and take a seat. I will set it up just as I showed you all the other day and we will begin. I have additional Dauntless support in case you need assistance back to the dorms, this can be a terrifying and quite draining process. After your turn you are done for the day, we have counselors in the infirmary if you need them, but you would do well to try and process on your own. You will be scored each day according to number of fears, how long it takes you to overcome them and technique used. First up is Kara." I got up slowly, glancing one last time at my friends, more afraid of the sim itself than what it might actually show me. Four closed the door behind me and I sat in the seat and allowed him to hook me up to him and the machine, then inject me with the serum. "Alright, just take a deep breath, and let it take you in..."

 _ **I opened my eyes to find I was standing on the chasm, I could hear voices so I walked further onto the bridge to find all my friends standing on it and whispering something. "Hey, what are you all doing?" They turned to face me, Chris smiled at me, then took a running leap off of the bridge. I screamed and tried to run to her, but she just went right off before I could do anything. I turned to look at the others, and watched in horror, as they all smiled and one by one took a running leap off to join Chris at the bottom of the chasm, the pounding of the waterfall the only thing I could hear now. 'No...there is no way my friends would ever actually do this..wait, that's right, I'm in the fear sim...' I grabbed the hand of the last jumper, hoping the sim would react to my reasoning with them. It just happened to be Peter, which took even me by surprise, not a hand I would have willingly grabbed, "why are you doing this?" He only smiled and went to turn and jump, "wait..."he looked back at me. I took a deep breath and walked off the platform with him.**_

 _ **I waited for the water to come, the pain, drowning, but none of it did. I took a chance and opened my eyes, walls of a home surrounded me, the smell of cookies in the air, I looked around and noticed many of the familiar furnishings...'this...this is my house.' I ran through looking for my mother, I found her in the kitchen, sitting at the table, crying and staring down at a piece of paper. I looked over her shoulder, she had my dads obit picture and the note I left her before switching factions. No, it was my handwriting, but it wasn't what I had left on the note, this note said horrible things to her. I dropped to my knees, tears rolling down my cheeks, I didn't care that this was a sim, it felt real. "Ma, please don't cry, you know I would never say those things to you, I love you...we talked about this, you forgave me..." I leaned my head on her lap gently crying, using her dress to dry my eyes.**_

 _ **I looked up to see if she heard me, only to notice I was now in my bedroom, I stood up and looked down, I was wearing my party dress...from my birthday. 'Peter...shit.' I turned around to run only to run right into his arms, he held me tightly, rubbing all over me. I pushed him away from me, alcohol filling my senses. I knew this fear well and am surprised it didn't show up sooner. I put my hands up in a calming way, "Peter please, you don't have to do this...I can forgive you, I can..." He reached out for me and pushed me onto my bed, climbing on top of me swiftly, he begun to kiss my neck and slide his hand up my dress. "Peter, stop, stop!" i was hoping someone was going to burst in and save me, just like I wish they did that night. I squeezed my eyes shut hard and tried to ignore what was happening, until I suddenly felt his weight on me disappear.**_

 _ **Opening my eyes I was happier, seeing Eric in front of me, I smiled and went to reach out for him. "Obey orders initiate." He held out a gun for me, I took it, confused until he spun me around to come face to face with my close loved ones. I stood staring at my mother, Tris and Christina. Each of them had a gun in their hands as well, I saw Eric come from behind me and stand in between them and me. "Your orders initiate." I didn't understand, I watched them slowly lift their hands, bringing their guns to point at Eric's head. I gasped and my breathing came harder, my hand also rose and pointed itself at my own temple and I knew then what they wanted. I had to be brave enough to risk my life for someone else, knowing that they still might not make it, it was everything I had been preaching to Eric about why I even joined Dauntless in the first place. I forcibly lowered my weapon, "if this is truly what you want, then you shoot me...don't threaten those I care about, just do it yourselves." I was hoping I could trick the sim into letting everyone lower their weapon. It seemed to work too as their hands laid down, but then I heard a familiar 'click' with the cocking of a gun. I turned around slowly and came eye to eye with Eric, a gun to my head, I closed my eyes slowly and then,**_ _ **BANG**_ _ **!**_

I sat up breathing so fast I thought my heart was going to burst through my chest, Four placed his hand on my shoulder to steady me. "Oh hell, that was intense...how long was I in there for, like an hour?" He shook his head and I got a little worried, "shit was it longer?" "No you were only in there about twenty minutes or so...with only four fears." I'm sure the color drained from my face, something in my gut told me that was super bad, really super bad. "Beginners luck I guess..." He stared at me for a moment with a hardened look on his face, "is there something you want to tell me Kara?" I shook my head quickly, "no sir, am I done?" He gave me one last look and opportunity to change my mind I guess, but then just nodded and let me go. I rushed out of there, running down the halls, almost as if someone was chasing me. I only stopped because I felt I had run straight into a wall, except this wall had arms that wrapped me gently and held me upright. I looked up into Eric's eyes, confused but then softening, "fear sim today, huh?" I nodded and steadied myself enough so he could let go of me, I wrapped my arms around my body and kind of avoided his gaze. "Do you want to talk about it? I'm just making some basic rounds, but you could come with me if you want?"

I nodded and followed him around, he checked a few dorm areas for items to confiscate, then on some training areas for equipment checks, lastly he went to an office that had other officials and some camera's. After talking with some of the others and leaving the paperwork he had, he met me back out in the hall and pulled me towards his room. I had managed to stay silent that whole time, working out in my head what I could versus what I should really tell him about my simulation. I didn't know if he was someone to be trusted with this information, it seemed like Four could tell that something about me was off, and I was hoping Tris wouldn't make the same mistakes I did, whatever those happened to be. He lead me over to a couch, it looked like it had seen better days but I was happy for the comfort. I curled up on one end, bringing my knees to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. He took to the other end and sat down sideways, so he could face me. "Do you want to talk about what you saw?" I didn't make a move towards answering him, I kind of just sat there. After awhile he sighed softly, maybe he had something he had to do and I was taking up his time. _Maybe I can lie about some of it...?_

"You shot me..." His head snapped in my direction and he sat up a bit more in his seat, "I had to make a choice between being a good friend or being a good soldier...and I chose neither, because I want to be both. When I failed the mission you had tasked me with, you showed up behind me and shot me, point blank...the thing that bothered me the most is...I knew, I knew and I just closed my eyes and let you do it..." I looked up into his eyes, unaware of the lone tear that escaped me and rolled down my cheek. "You know," I sniffled, refusing anymore loose tears to fall, "you would think that my other fears of my friends dying, my mother being sad over me or reliving what Peter did to me would be the worst things...but for some reason, nothing broke my heart quite as much as closing my eyes and succumbing to you obeying orders to shoot me." He scooted over to me and took my hands, I let him, he held them and kissed them softly. "Kara, I don't really know what this is...or where we might end up, but I want you to know. If there was ever a situation where I thought you could end up in danger, I would do everything I could to take that bullet for you...if nothing else that I can promise, I swear that."

Something in his eyes made me believe him, I started to laugh sheepishly, "you know, today's my birthday..." He smiled, "happy birthday Kara." Something in me took over, it was hungry whatever it was. I leaned over and kissed him, he kissed me back, so I deepened it, pulling every inch of passion I could muster from deep within me. Before I could stop myself, not entirely sure that I wanted to, I climbed on top of him, straddling his lap. His arms wrapped around me and held me close, our kisses coming harder and harder. I had reached down and pulled his shirt up, his arms leaving me for only a second, as well as his lips, so I could remove his shirt and then both were back on me full force. I went to pull my shirt up and the second his hands touched my bare skin, he pulled back, panting, "woah, hold on..." He took a second to catch his breath, "Kara, we can slow down, I know the fear sim put a lot of things on your mind, and it's your birthday...I only want to be here for you however you need." "Then shut up and kiss me, this time its my choice, and I want you to make my body forget everything." He only took a second more to confirm with me by eye contact before crashing his lips back down onto mine.

 *******Warning: adult themes and sexual behavior ahead, read at own risk*******

My shirt was over my head in seconds after that, his hands rubbing everywhere, feeling all over me, exploring me excitedly. He started to trail down heated kisses on my chest so I reached and pulled my bra off with speed, giving him better access. Instead he stopped and stared at me, looking me up and down, taking me all in and then smiled, "you're so beautiful..." That was all I needed to have my lips back on his, soft moans coming from my mouth as he went back to kissing all over my chest and collar bone, little bites here and there. I shriek-giggled as he stood abruptly, but held me in place around his hips as he walked us towards his bed. He dropped me on it and I scooted up to the top while scooting out of my pants. He shimmied his down before crawling in on top of me, going right back to kissing me everywhere, up and down. His hands ran up and down my sides, over my hips and around my butt, before moving up my thighs that were wrapped around him and giving them a squeezing caress. I moaned louder with every new inch he touched, I could feel him getting harder with each sound, his breathing also picking up, low grunts escaping his lips and lapping at my skin.

I needed more of him, I couldn't take it at this point, he was teasing me and my body wanted him now. I flipped us over and pinned him down, his hands above his head, and kept his attention occupied with my kisses, I was able to position myself to make it easier for me to put him in. His eyes opened and locked with mine, confused as to how I managed to do that, but enjoying the feel of us together. We danced all over the bed, our bodies synchronized in their movements, sweat dripping from us. I had found my way back on top as he sat up and wrapped his arms around me, melding our bodies together in our final movements. A symphony of moans roared from both of us, panting and grinding against the friction between us. I threw my head back as he attacked my collar bone, his arms holding me up so I didn't fall apart in ecstasy. One last thrust and we both fell back onto his bed, breathing like we had been deprived of oxygen for the whole past hour.

 **-End sexy part for whoever skipped over-**

We had fallen asleep shortly after in each others arms, I would have stayed all night without thinking about it, if my stomach hadn't have woken me up. I sat up groggily and made my way over to his bathroom, gathering my clothes up on the way. I cleaned up and splashed my face with some water, I needed to look refreshed and not that I could sleep ten years when I meet back up with my friends. I quickly got dressed and tip-toed out, he was still passed out, and looked really handsome in the sunset colors peaking through the windows. I found some paper and a pen and scribbled him a quick note, then kissing him on the forehead before I left. The note read:

 _Eric,_

 _It was getting late and I was getting hungry, I didn't want to wake you, you looked so cute sleeping. I had a wonderful time, and birthday, the best in fact! I needed to save face with my friends, but I'll be in the hull if you want to see me...and if you want me to come back tonight, to talk or what not, give me a signal...make it something...Eric-y._

 _xoxo Kara_

A/N: Hey everyone - thank you so much for reading - and I really hope you are enjoying these, more chapters to follow this week!


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